Open up my eager eyes

"The time has come," the Walrus said "to talk of many things..."

2007-05-12T22:34:00.000-05:00

All right.

I've had my break. it was much needed, and I feel very refreshed.

The end half of this last semester has really got me moving - finally.

I have ambition bursting out of my ears and creative juices flowing like a waterfall.

I am ready to take over the world.

and the next step of that, is a new blog.

I know one point of a blog is to keep the same one for all those logical reasons yadda yadda yadda, but I feel like I have grown out of this one. It was important and useful and fun and wonderful for what I wanted out of it and what it needed to be, but now my needs and wants have changed and I would like a fresh start.

I haven't started a new on yet, so I am asking you, all three of you who just may still check in on this guy, to offer suggestions for me as to where I should create it. Or if I should just make my own website?

So, please offer all of your experienced advice, because I certainly don't really know what I am doing on this magic box called a computer.

peace.

A wave and a wink...

2007-03-27T19:51:00.000-05:00

All right friends. I'm officially taking a break from blogging for a while. I've been so irregular about it anyways, it hardly seems a surprise.

I plan to return. and hopefully with something interesting to say.

peace.

It's the Sun!!

2007-03-04T13:56:00.000-06:00

All right! Twas an odd week, this week.

Thursday was a CRAZY day. Let me describe the freaky-cosmic allignment that occured surrounding this incident.

So the plan on Wednesday night was for me to spend the night in my friend Devin's room so we could have a slumber pary. I was doing some work, waiting for him to be done with rehearsal, when I suddenly got VERY tired. It was only 10pm, but for some reason I decided that I should just go to be THAT INSTANT. I cancle my plans with Devin and was asleep by 10:30. All very uncharacteristic of me. But now, I wake up at 7:30am completely rested and ready for the day! And what do I find? My basement covered in water. THUMBS DOWN. And this water was MOVING. I went up to shower at 7:30 thinking that the water was only in the main area of the basement (it had done that before) so I just turned the dehumidifiers on and left. In the half hour that it took me to get ready, water had seeped a solid two feet into my bedroom. And I had a ton of papers and books and things of general importance all over my floor that I was able to save before the water reached them toom much. So now think of what COULD have happened. I could have a) stayed home like normal and not gotten up until 10 for my 10:30 class, thus I would not have found things until my room was totally drenched. or b) I could have slumber partied with Devin and therefore would not have been home until noon at the earliest. DISASTER. I've come to the general conclusion that I was still being cosmically fucked, just not quite as hard as I may have.

So the whole day was spent moving all of my shit two flights of stairs to Lejla's almost empty bedroom. I had help from my landlord in getting my bed and desk moved upstairs, but I hadn't had time to pack anything, so that was about all he could do with it being super awkward, so I just moved everything else myself. It got tiring.

Buuut, now I have a huge sweet room WITH A REAL WINDOW!!! Oh god, waking up to sunshine is such a glorious thing! I didn't realize how much I missed natural light until I finally got it back! (my window in the basement had to have towls ducktaped over it in order to keep any of my heat in and cold out).

The only bummer deal is that I can only mostly move in. Landlord Steve promised to instal new carpet in the upstairs for us, and this originally was a perfect plan because there was no one living up there so it would be super low-hassle. and now I'm up here. Steve offered to do my room later, like in 6 weeks or something, but I pushed for it to happen over break. This way I'd be out of the house and I can handle living a little in hiatus for two weeks if it means that I wont have to worry about it then when things are getting crazy at the end of the semester. Ooh, and not only does this room get new carpet but it is getting painted and a new ceiling too! sweeeeeet.

all of that was Thursday. what a tiring day.

then I got to have fun on Friday videoing perspective students (or as I should now say "guests") for their scholarship auditions. I always have fun watching people audition. PLUS my Carl came to visit, so it was waaaanderful to see him.

but I think the biggest perk of this week has to be the appearance of my Internet Boyfriend. Sounds weird, I know, but you'll have to trust me on this. A couple weeks ago Karla's friend told me that I HAD to talk to this guy she's friends with from Dekalb because we have the same sense of humor. I was sceptical, I didn't want to be a weirdo IMing this total stranger just because Lindsey said so. But eventually curiosity overcame embaressment and we started talking.

....we are the same person.

it's pretty badass. He's cute and goofey and funny and generally pretty fantastic and we have come to call each other Internet Girl/Boyfriend because we're both pretty much awesome and crazy "in like" with one another.

so who knows what will happen with this. all I know is that I like it and it makes me happy and that's what matters.

to get back to the real world, now....I'm just trying to get on top of my stuff. I'm going home wednesday night so I need to make sure I don't fail things.

peace friends.

three words. solid. gold. toilet.

2007-02-27T15:46:00.000-06:00

I am in an ifallibly good mood today!! So good, I can hardly stand it!! I have not had this much of a huge buzz in nigh on forty years.

And like, the day hasn't even been all that good. The morning was great, I actually woke up in time to shower, get ready, and finish some work ( getting out of my bed is a HUGE accomplishement itself, much less getting out of it EARLY ) but then my lighting class was actually pretty shitty. I got a test back and I did REAL bad. I don't know where my head was when i took it because it wasn't even hard material! god damn. so that actually put me in a bad mood. buuuut then I had a great lunch and a quick chat with a friend of my and all that just made me happy again!! Now, I have a kick ass idea for my next sculpture and and and......

......I'm too happy to concentrate on anything real. which is actually bad because I have a bio test tomorrow I NEED to study for. eeessshhh.....

so that's why am I even writing this sophmoric, banal post. Killing time before I can focus again.

off I got to waste more time that should be spent productively.

peace friends!

oohhhhh....winter!

2007-02-22T19:07:00.000-06:00

So, I forget that the weather can actually affect your mood. I guess that comes form never experiencing weather for about 4 solid years while I lived in the flourecent light hell that was High School (the school itself wasn't hell, just the constant inside-ness is).

The phenomena that is weather was something of a grand surprise once I got to school last year, and I guess I'm still adjusting.

I think this recent funk has been just a general winter malaise, because now that it is this summertime warm of a whole 40 degrees, the snow is melting, the sun is shining, birds are singing, and I can actually see the glorious blue sky again, I've felt a huge lift in my attitude.

My spirits have been so high this week! I got my Art History final DONE, and tomorrow I'll be taking my Math final, so that will be TWO HUGE things I can mark off that terrible list that has been looming over my head for about three months now. Both my house and bedroom are crazy clean, something that always makes me feel good. My tummy had been giving me troubles for about a week, but now it's back to normal - as is my diet of tastey, healthy foods. I've finally become the active tea drinker that I've been striving to be (up to a regular 3-4 cups a day!) I met someone, probably wont evolve into anything romantic, but he's a big nerd and just a ton of fun to be around, and really, that's all I need right now. I have all my class work planned out and I am aware of where I am in everything....I'm starting my design work for Barefoot in the Park....

Needless to say, I'm feeling good. finally!

plus I get to have lunch this saturday with one of my most favourite people ever - my darling Di!

I have a busy weekend ahead, a lot the needs to get done, but I'm actually looking forward to it. Dare I say I, gasp! actually got my work drive back?! knock on wood, but I think I'm feelin it!

look out world! I'M GUNNA GETCHA!!

....and here's a picture of Tony Jaa. badass. Watch Ong-Bak or the Protector. soooo gooood.

For Funzies!!

2007-02-19T03:58:00.000-06:00

so I have had a fun/crazy/strange weekend.

I co-wrote a play.

slept very very little.

saw it produced.

got a surprising visit from friends.

slept a whole lot.

studied for many hours.

and rediscovered my intense LOVE for the Cosby Show.

Bill Cosby...how I adore thee.

for the times, they are a changing

2007-02-13T17:49:00.000-06:00

I have been feeling very anti-literate lately. I haven't been responding to e-mail from friends abroad, I haven't been blogging, my required statements for my Scupture class have been awkward.....and I'm just not sure why.

even now...I'm not entirely into this post. but I guess I just want something to do to distract me from doing all the things that I need to get done.

part of me wants to say something about the tragety in Oswego. but I don't know what I'd say. just the same things. such unnecessary pain and loss. such unfairness for all those involved.

I guess I just haven't felt compelled to write anything for a while. My artistic vibe has been a little on the funk recently. makes it hard for me to get in to my projects.

I've been thinking a little, I have not cried in a long time. not a real cry, not the kind that you just let everything out and sob and then sleep for hours and feel like a new person again. none of that. not for.....months. I should just find a night to lock myself my room and get it all out when I wont have to see people in the morning (I am one of those people who you can ALWAYS tell has been crying).

now, on to some better news, I interviewed for this summer theatre programe that works out of U of I last week and last night I got an e-mail offereing me the job of "Costume and Makeup/Wig Assistant/Wardrobe Crew"! I am really excited because this place is relatively picky, like many technical and acting positions require a year of apprenticeship before they get hired, so getting this offer really makes me happy. The only downer is that it doesn't pay very well. It's not BAD pay, but not great either. I'll have to do some number crunching before I decide if I can accept. but DAMN do I want to work there this summer.

well, here's to hopefully getting out of this funk.

why hello there! I didn't see you come in...

2007-02-09T22:43:00.000-06:00

hey friends. appologies appologies. since the recent cold front, my basement bedroom has become an ice block walled freezer, so needless to say, I have been spending as little time down here as possible and any time on the dear computer has been business only and as fast as possible.

quick recap while I can still feel my figners...

BIRTDHAY!! yes, superbowl sunday was my birthday, and while it would have been better had the bears won, it was still a great night with great people and great fun.

uhhhh...then I had just lots of work and I made a sculpture.

and now I am getting ready for a huge Valentines Dance at my house tomorrow night. I am going to make it look like a giant heart threw up pink and red all OVER my house!! hella yeah!!

um...yes.

more later when I can think.

peace.

birthday.

2007-02-05T00:35:00.000-06:00

so....I'm 20.

how about that.

AHH CRAP!!

2007-01-24T22:49:00.000-06:00

I missed my 100th post!! dammit! I was going to at LEAST mention it. oh well. I complained instead. good enough substitute right?

Anywhoos, welcome to my 101st post instead!

it's interesting to think about when i started this guy....it was December of last year. a freshman. so many new things.

have I grown? yes.

a lot? I don't really know.... I know I still blog about a lot of the same trite bullshit, but then again, I'm pretty sure it's a lot of the the same trite bullshit we all feel and experience, so I don't think I need to have figured out too much in 100 posts.

other than that...nothing too interesting going on. the first day of classes were, well, the first day of classes. I have more friends in my non-major classes than I expected, which is very good. tomorrow will be just lighting design and 3-D design. my lovely creative, artsy days!

peace until tomorrow.

hrm.

2007-01-23T23:47:00.000-06:00

classes start tomorrow. it really has not sunken in yet. I have to be in class at 9am.

.......ew.

but, really, I am glad that they are starting finally. I'm ready for them. well, mentally yes, acedemically....maybe not. I have been painfully procrastinating my finals work. But, luckily I'll be in contact with those teachers soon and be given deadlines. I need deadlines.

I've been feeling kind of....out of sorts lately. in a few ways. discontented. this is a lingering feeling from last semester, and I've had some distractions since then, but now that I'm well and about to be working again...the feeling has returned. I'm unmotivated to do a lot of the things that I used to be excited about....I just have a little pit of unsatisfied living in my belly.

I've started thinking about religion again...about what it must feel like to have such a constant, guiding, loving force to carry you through life. what it must feel like to constantly have goals and codes to follow to keep you going and in line. I started thinking that maybe I want something like that, that it may center me a little. but, I already know that most of the major western religions don't sit well with me, and Taoism is just too inactive and apathetic for me, so I began reading up on the "religion" that has always hit a chord with me - Buddhism.

I'm in the process of reading this great book called What the Buddah Taught. as I'm reading, I am finding that there is so much of what the Buddah spoke on rings completely with me, he believed in learning as the ulitmate power, he was completely pacifist, and belived that one should learn to live in each moment of every day. but....then there is so much that doesn't sit with me...so much that seems entirely unobtainable while still living and working and thriving in the world. To become enlightened one seeks to understand everything, and this means to take one's emotions and dissect them objectively, then through understanding, release yourself from them. ....but I am an emotional person, and I believe that all feelings are not only necessary, but a joy. I like the highs and lows and I don't think I want to sacrifice them for an end that I don't believe I could ever reach. and, well, I really like eating meat....

I am but a young scholar, but I think I can see that I shall not be delclaring myself a buddhist anytime soon.

but the thing is.....through all this thinking and talking about philosophy and religion....I came to realize that while I don't think that is what is missing in my life, it is nice to have more of a path. however personal and diverse it may be.

and still....that unsatisfaction lingers.

At the beginning of the year I was so pumped. I was working my ass off, I was being challenged, and I was loving it. I worked long hours for simple assignments because I wanted to be the best and make each one great. then....everything started loosing it's zeal. And it is beyond frustrating, because I want to be able to dissect my life, try to find what is giving me this feeling, but the damn MONO throws a huge wrench in everything! I can't tell if it was some internal desire that caused my apathy, or just the sickness that drained the life out of me. And now, now I am healthy, but I have been away from anything resembling structure and guidance for over a month now....is it the lack of structure or the same discontentness?

so now....maybe it is just that I need to start school again. the stupid thing is, even after all this time, it still feels like I haven't had a break. it's the damn finals. they have been looming in the back of my mind all break. I have not had a completely work-free break since I started school. and I mean, this had been kind of my fault. I could have been working on them more since I've been back, and that would have made me feel better...but again it goes back to my need of structure and deadlines.

so, kick myself in the ass, get working, make some due dates, and get going and I'll feel better?

maybe.

or I'm just lonely.

who knows?

water water everywhere!!

2007-01-22T15:37:00.000-06:00

Sooooo, I recieved a rather soggy welcome back to the ole p-town abode.

My water heater decided to start leaking friday night - of course friday night, the point in time where it would have the MOST time to leak before it could get fixed, bastard - and this it did with reckless abandon. Drew, who was staying here over J-term, did his best to guide the growing puddle AWAY from my bedroom (which is right next door), buuut it kept on leaking for many many hours, and the water subsequently went EVERYWHERE.

luckily, Drew moved any potentially ruin-able items to the safe half of my bedroom (the floor has a little tilt to it) so nothing was wrecked. But I still had to wake up at 8:45 this morning to be ready for my landlord to come and install a new water heater and to help me move all my shit out of that half of the room so we could pull the carpets up.

I can't decided if it makes the situation better or worse that this is actually the third time I've had to haul out all my shit like this. I mean, it's a super bitch especially when it comes to moving it all back in, but I've already done it a few times so know what to expect.

Whatevski. I think I am going to take this as a karmic responce to my complete and utter procrastination in my finals work. I have not touched a thing since I finished my Costume Design. sigh. well, enough of that.

so, I'm off to draw a portrait then re-position my carpet as it lies drying across our bowling seats to assure it gets completely dry.

peace friends.

home again home again, jiggity jig

2007-01-18T22:40:00.000-06:00

soooo, I'm home for the weekend. I had a good ole' doctors appointment (all is well and healthy though, no worries in that department), so it landed me a few days in the crazy house.

my dad had got this scruffy, facial hair thing going on, and, while I was a little thrown at first, it's really growing on me. it's kinda grey and kinda not....I think it's a good look.

The real highlight of this trip though, was tonight. I MOVED MY SISTER OUT OF THE RENTS HOUSE!! WOOOOO!!!! She is now the roommate of our dear friend Brian in a nice little place. I am so so SO happy for her. She'll probably only be there for a few months, because she'll most likely *knock on wood* be in china for the next school year, but HELL. she needed to get out. plus it's extra awesome because Brian in my comic book hook-up here in the burbs, so now when I am home and visitin Cori, I automatically will automatically have the chance to talk nerdy with Brian! yesssss....

Anywhooos, my time back at school the past couple weeks has been TERRIBLY unproductive. I got one final finished (the Costume Design, and I got and A bitches!!) but other than that I sleep late, paint my set from 1 - 5 then come home, cook a lovely dinner, then sit on my ass with Drew until all hours of the wee morning and the begin the cycle all over again. LAME. I am determined to stop sucking to bad when I get back dammit!!

But, one good thing has come from my extreme laziness - I have discovered my love of martial arts action movies. More specifically, Tony Jaa movies. I'm a little in love with him. Muay Thai boxing is hard core bad ass.

OH god. and anyone who loves british humor and zombies NEEDS to see Sean of the Dead. I know I am REALLY behind the times, but I just saw it about a week ago and was totally blown away with just how great that movie is.

ok, enough lame movie recomendations. I'm out.

peace.

dance.

2007-01-15T03:42:00.000-06:00

So the times I most feel like posting...I am never near my computer. it never fails to piss me off.

these are the drunken ramblings of me from a last weeks partyings, I wrote them down on a paper plate, then stuck it in my vest pocket. I didn't take the time to decipher them until tonight.

so yeah. they are slightly incoherent, and silly, but...I dunno....I get so passionate when I get a little alcohol in me, and I don't feel it's all that worse that when I'm sober, so why not? this blog is for my own personal, cathartic ramblings anyways. so, here it is.

01.02.07
Night of Tuesday.
I hate wet feet in socks. baby can ashtrays.
feeling pensive....
Aspirations. we are all so full of ambition and hope and pans. but who of us will will actually do it?

scary thoughts.

love the B party.
must write legible.
must live. breathe life through death. All is trite.
Love the naked. love the drink. love the lack of inhibitions.

Burn...but good? tears heal. Don't wanna be seen.

hide in the cold.

Old world glassed in.

change. love it. have to roll with it.
worlds. I don't even know.

New openings. old longings.
I wish I was eloquent. more than drunken ramblings.

Some of what we hate,
some of what we love,
It all IS.
don't let it go.

...I miss my fauxhawk...

2007-01-11T20:19:00.000-06:00

So, I've been FAR too lazy lately.

But, while I apathetically avoid doing real work, I have been absurdly domestic. Cooking and cleaning up is about all a can motivate to do after painting for a few hours. But it at least rears some delicious and tidy endings!

On a quite note, my housemate are all leaving for London in a matter of like, 3 days. The house here is empty now...except for Drew and I. sigh.

Anywhoos, I was looking for a picture to use for my self-portrait for my art class, so went on the ole facebook and decided to check out what picture others had tagged of me. Inevitably I just wound up looking through a billion pictures instead of actually working. sooooo, in leu of anything interesting to say at the moment, here are some of my favs.

As bummed as I am for my housemate leaving me, I do have some high hopes for this semester. I actually think I may not be completely over-worked for once ( I am now terrified of re-getting mono...once is enough thank you. ) So I'm going to have some more time to get out of my house and I really think that I'm going to get closer to the rest of my class.

I think a revolution is bubbling.

and a revolution without dancing is a revolution is a revolution is not worth having.

so here's to the new year, the new semester, the new times to be had!!

peace friends.

So this is the New Year...

2007-01-02T03:51:00.000-06:00

Hello friends. Appologies for the sucking at posting. Life was rather dull and not much happened that was really "post material"

Not to say that nothing happened, but ya know, not everything is right for the blog post.

anywhoos.....I actually survived almost a month home and now I am back in p-town for the semester. It feels sooo good to be back in my house and surrounded by those that I adore.

My new years was spent at a Black Tie affair filled with alums and friends, and really, it was one of the best New Years that I have had in a few.

Appologies for my in-eloquence. I'm real tired and a little drunk, but I wanted to get something up before I was overcome with finals work (EWWWWW) and forgot this thing existed.

so yes. I shall sleep deeply soon, then the new day will dawn. I will productive and then return with good news and good posts.

all right friends, Happy New Year!!! and peace to you all.

Hooray!!

2006-12-10T00:14:00.000-06:00

I'm back! ok, I'm home, I'm feel a TON better, I can actually talk, swallow, and eat whole foods again.

and, I have working internet! wooo!!

.....how much I'll have to post on considering I'm basically underhouse arrest...we'll see.

all for now.

peace.

Wednesday...ok.

2006-12-05T14:23:00.000-06:00

wow, sorry for the super cranky post. I've been suffering tonsils the literal size of walnuts that like to make swallowing and talking about the most painful experience I've ever had......so I wasn't in the best mood at that point yesterday.

Anywhoo, the mama is coming Wednesday now, so that's good. I've got almost everything arranged now, so we should be in business. and I would really like to go back to the doctor and demand something for my throat. it's so ucky back there that even my nursing major housemate grimaces when she looks at them. eeeew. and owwwwwey.

AHH!! yay! I just realized I have a toolbar again!! well then, here's a little something to leave you all with. Enjoy!

Hooray for Snow Day.

INCOMPLETE!

2006-12-04T14:20:00.000-06:00

so...I will probably not be able to post for a long time friends. I am being wisked away, against my will (at least, the hastiness is against my will) back home. My mother is freaked out that I am going to die or something if it's not HER heating my Ramen and pouring my tea.

I love my mother dearly, and I appreaciate and understand her concern, but really, she is being FAR too hasty. I am scrambling to try and figure out all my class shit before she arrives TONIGHT to get me.

fuck.

All I'm asking for is Wednesday. That way I can make sure everying thing is arranged and I can pack and say my goodbyes. Half of my closest friends are leaving for London in Jauary and I'd like a moment to tell them I'll miss them.

but no. Two days will SURELY kill me!

I'm frustrated and cranky. Basically because she thinks she can just fix everything for me, when she CANT ANYMORE.

I'm having a serious bout of intependence and being "mommied" is the LAST thing I want right now.

It doesn't help that I actually have REAL things I am waiting on. Like responces from two of my teachers as to whether I can actually take an incomplete without failing my final.

fuck.

anyways. It'll work out in the end.

it will.

but, the point is, I will be going home to the land of the Dead Computer where the internet no longer roams. Thus meaning....no postings for the Jessi.

So, Merry Christmas!! Happy New Year!! and enjoy the snow we've gotten!!

peace.

WTF Mate?

2006-12-03T22:40:00.000-06:00

ok, I have a grand post planned...but now that I have this dumb BETA thing, I no longer have a toolbar deely when i post so I have no idea how to put pictures on here.

dammit.

someone help me.

sorry, I'm totally sick off my ass with MONO.

MONO!!!!

it's sucks.

plus it's finals week, and I may have to go home within the next like, two days. SHIT. I don't know what will happen.

Jessi is not a happy panda.

eeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh............

2006-11-29T15:00:00.000-06:00

I'm ill now. Sleep deprived, stressed, busy, and now SICK.

UGH.

maybe it will make me feel less social so then I can get more work done? who knows.

today is a Smith's Day. all I want to do is lie around listening to the Smiths and think and write and draw.

what dreary weather we have. and what fucking crazy COLD is on the way. weird.

if any of you have any good ideas as to how to get rid of a swollen and sore throat (only the left side though) please send them along. I'll take any kind of remedy. I sure as hell need to be better before finals or.....well I just need to get better NOW.

peace.

I want us to remember this in the morning...

2006-11-27T01:18:00.000-06:00

So I just switched to Beta with my blog....whatever that means....meh.

Anywhoo, I am back in Peoria after my Thanksgiving stint back at home. And WHAT a trip I had! Some pretty big downs, but far more fanastic ups!!

I have to say....I think Second Thanksgiving was a real highlight of the trip. It really was a GREAT dinner with fantastic people....

good memories.

I got to see some of the best people in my life all in the span of like, three days, so that really picked me up.

Now....now I am back home in Peoria and I sat down with my planner and looked at just how much work I have to accomplish in the next two days and two and a half weeks....

FUCK.

I am NOT a happy panda.

But....it is totally my fault, I've really procrastinated in the past couple weeks....I've just had this serious lack of focus and now it is biting me in the ass hard core.

so, here comes the point where Jessi will be pulling multible all-nighters and disapearing from the blogging community probably until finals are done. Hopefully not for that long, because that would make me sad.

So, until we meet again friends,

Eat, Drink, and most of all, BE MERRY!!

I don't really mind that it's starting to get to me...

2006-11-19T14:03:00.000-06:00

Ok, do I have any The Killers fans out there? Because I am curious as to what your opinion of the new album is.

I got in a huge discussion about it with this guy at our cast party Friday night, and now I want to see how other feel about it as well.

Also, the Scissor Sisters just came out with their new album as well. Thoughts on that?

OOh! The Barenaked Ladies did as well!! I haven't had a chance to really dive in to that album, but I'm still interested in opinions.

peace.

what time is it?

2006-11-15T18:20:00.000-06:00

I've been a little out of sorts lately.

I've been kinda lonely....not for company, but for someONE. but, tis the lament of most people, so what am I to do right?

I am finding it harder and harder to feel rested. This weekend was great, because I actually took the weekend OFF. I barely touched homework, I played my guitar, and stayed in my room by myself for most of it. I had some real ME time. and it was great. I needed that. but now...I don't know, I already feel really run down...I have so much I need to get done before break or before the semester that I just....I dont know.

And while I am feeling all of this pressure, I still get so easily distracted and unmotivated! I don't understand!

oy.

oh well, I know it's just a funk and it'll pass. Thanksgiving will hopefully revive me.

so, I think I am a little in love with my math teacher.

just thought I'd throw that out there.

ok, I need to do some work.

peace.

....aaaaand here's some good music....

Editors
Ok Go
The Long Winters
Broken Social Scene
Iron and Wine
Jayber Crow
The Killers
Mike Doughty
The Pillows
PANIC! At the Disco
Pretty Girls Make Graves
Tears for Fears
Scissor Sisters
30 Seconds to Mars
Tilly and the Wall

HOORAY!!!

2006-11-10T00:12:00.000-06:00

4:30pm opening night.

after a week of tech and dress rehearsals that went amazingly well and smoothly, we are all feeling really good about tonights show.

until the entire sound computer crashes.

the next three and a half hours are spent with our sound designer, technically able-ed friend, and other hands working frantically to literally re-build the computer and re-program and re-work every single sound cue in the show.

it was a task that normally should have taken around 4-5 hours to complete.

they finished with MINUTES to spare before the house went down.

HOLY FUCK.

go sound team!

That's something I love about theatre, it all works out in the end. somehow.

Other than that minor problem, the show went GREAT. I could not be more proud of the cast and crew. one of my best friends, Devin, played Prior. He is only 19, but jesus. he nailed it. he is so talented. Not to discredit any of the other actors out there, because there are seriously some fantastic performances going on, but if nothing else come see the show for him.

we had a fundraiser after the show for The Friends and Family of People Living with AIDS Foundation, our regular charity group, and the rep was there to see the show and thank us. After she came up to Devin and looked him in the eye and told him that he was every friend she lost, her best friends, her closest. She knew him. he was it.

wow.

what a thing to be told.

I guess he got something right.

what a beautiful show.

I am so glad to have been able to be a part of it.

COME SEE MY SHOW!!

2006-11-05T15:25:00.000-06:00

The photo shoot went just fine. There was a second artist there who was ACTUALLY a makeup artist who has done a lot of tv stuff so she had things under control. She was really nice and I actually learned quite a bit about that kind of makeup. The shoot was super cool, it was all on greenscreen for some promotional video they were making, so I got to see the whole process of the setting up, the takes, and angles and operators......it was a long process, but I got to do the slate for each shot for a while, so that was neat.

and I should be getting paid soon......

so that is good.

Angels in America is opening this week!! COME SEE IT!! I woudl post pictures, but I would rather demand you guys come so you are surprise by all the fun things that happen!

Angels in America

Nov. 9th - 12th and 16th-19th
8pm The Hartman Center for Perfoming Arts

Give me a call! If you young'ins want to crash overnight, I have a big house with lots of couches. We could even work in a campus tour to make it more legitamate if parents are iffy. you all know you want to do it....

COME!!!

AHH!!

2006-10-29T22:03:00.000-06:00

So my roommate Lejla called me this evening at 5 saying her professor is working on this photoshoot tomorrow and they lost their hair and makeup artist last minute and need one.

it's a gig from 8am to 4pm and pays $200.

aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

sooooo, when I asked what I would be asked to do, she said it was really basic, they would come apready prepared and I'd just be needed for touchups throughout the shoot.

......so I said yes.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I don't know what I am doing!! I've never done anything for photos! I know stage makeup! I don't know if I have the type of stuff they need...I don't know how to tell when I'll need to do something or what it'll need to be......oh geeze....

ok, I am working myself up a little too much. It'll probably be like, powdering the person every take or so.

But I really have no idea what kind of shoot this is period though. Like, I don't know where it is, what it's for, what kind of people they will be.....

I am SO nervous.

well....here's to hopeing I don't fail.

Oh what a world what a world....

2006-10-26T18:49:00.000-05:00

I've gone and done it friends....I've become one of those people I never wanted to be.....

I now drink energy drinks regularly to keep me going through my day.

I never wanted to do that!!!! I always tried not to drink too much coffee or whatever becaue I hated the idea of being dependant on some outside, unhealthy force to get me through my day!! Because what would I do if I couldn't get that thing one day? how would I function?!

but now.....I don't depend on them. and I don't drink them every day.

but I do get them almost every tuesday and thursday......but I have 9am classes!! (now you high school people may scoff, but keep in mind that I am up until 3 or 4 am regularly)

.....I suck.

oh well. I admit it. I love the kick it gives me. It perks me up and give me the bounce that keeps me from passing out in the middle of classes.

...you beautiful bastard you....

To Kyle.

2006-10-21T02:35:00.000-05:00

Kyle died today of a cocain overdose.

Kyle was 19 years old.

unfortunatley, I did not know Kyle. But my friend did.

She has seen more than you would ever guess from her easy smile and fun manner.

She has seen more young death than is ever fair.

Tonight I toasted Kyle and held my friend. We held her hand, her head, and her body. We dried her eyes. We listened.

We tried.

How do you comfort someone so convinced they aren't good enough?

It was a hard night. A reminder about life.

Life is...all about perspective.

I got a hella big reminder about what life IS tonight.

Life is so precious....yet eternally "unfair".

I was just talking to a friend about how I want to take time and really delve into finding some kind of "religion" that I believe in. And part of this conversation involved talking about "God".

I am a little uncomfortable when dealing with the entity of "God". I don't really understand, nor relate to the belief that God is one BEING. I don't feel like this Christian God is something/one that sits well with me.

But, this does not mean I am an aetheist. I actually have great faith in a higher being. It's just the Christian model that throws me. My "god" is all knowing and has a reason for everything.

Nothing is abitrary.

No one is forgotten.

Do I believe in destiny? Maybe a little. But I still believe heavily in personal responsibility for ones path in life.

...but if everything is happening for a reason, then wouldn't that mean we were all destined to make all the "choices" we did?

maybe.

maybe not.

I don't know.

but I don't think I need to know that one.

But I do feel like I know that everything does happen for a reason. Maybe because I haven't had anything really terrible happen in my life to make me seriously question my life or beliefs yet.....but I hope to "god"that it is true.

because I can't handle the thought that we really are just ants running around our little anthill with no rhyme or reason.

or purpose.

....the term "prayer" or "pray" is another one that I am uncomfortable with....but I do believe heavily in the power of positive thought. I know that it is fundamentally the same, but it is different to me. So please, send some good thoughts my way. Send them to Anna. Send them to Kyle's family and friends.

Shit like this happens every day.

.....

but we have to have the shit to have the beauty.

.....

there was an awful beauty in tonight, I won't lie. I saw a part of Anna that very few people have seen. I also saw a strength and love in my friends that none of us may have really realized we had until now.

the worst can bring out the best......to be cliche about it.

and...to once again quote my beloved Big Sib Eric Svaleson,

"Life is terribly wonderful."

......and you have to believe it.

A Few Highlights...

2006-10-19T12:56:00.000-05:00

housemate smashing time

(beercan, apple, and an applesauce cup)

trapping Colleen in the bathroom.

fall break! WOOO!

visiting with my beloved Di and Alex.

watching this amazing couple swing dance with the heart and soul they have learned and earned, but with the bodies that should have been thirty years younger. wow.

preparing for the kick-ass haunted house we are having the 28th.

All this plus much much more...

it's been a good couple of weeks. I've had a little time to breathe as well, which is good, because I have a feeling things are going to be SUPER crazy again much too soon.

soon I'll have some shots from our student production of Butcher to post so you can oooh and ahhh at our handiwork some more! ; )

ya know what?

we really can be successful at our passion. as much as I bitch about America, we are the land of opportunity....

....you just need to know how to find it.

oh. my. god.

2006-10-08T01:31:00.000-05:00

oh god. I love my life. I love my life.

things are so absured.

Oswego here I come!

2006-10-02T20:46:00.000-05:00

I have a mini break coming up this Monday and Tuesday and I am actually coming home!

Saturday -
1. ) leave Bradley and head home.
2.) stop by set construction if it is still going on when I get there.
3.) go to Chicago to ROCK OUT with my beloved Di and Alex.

Sunday -
1.) still be rocking out with Di and Alex.
2.) sleep.
3.) see fucking SCISSOR SISTORS!!
4.) go home again.

Monday -
1.) sleep.
2.) spend time with the family.
3.) relax.

Tuesday -
1.) Meet up with the best director/best person in the world, Steve Snyder, and a few of my favorite Bradley people to run around to several high schools to present shit on how cool Bradley is.
2.) Go to OHS and present and see people!
3.) Go to OEHS and present and see people!
4.) Head back home to school.
5.) Sleep.

damn it's going to be a great few days.

not too shabby...

2006-09-28T17:37:00.000-05:00

I love my life.

This is sort of an out of place statement for the moment. Currently I have been stressed, over-worked, under-slept, stretched a little too thin, coming up short, and, as of two days ago, nursing the beginnings of a cold.

life situations like this usually illicit much more grumpy sentiments and pessimistic outlooks on life. so why my chipper-ness?

because this is what I SHOULD be doing. I finally feel like I am doing COLLEGE level work. I have been busting my ASS for the past four weeks, and there is no break in sight. An early betime is 2am and 5am has become a familiar sight. I worked in the theatre some 12+ hours a day, and stayed up late in the basement of my professors house working on plots.

But I LOVE it. I have actually turned out work that I am PROUD of. I am LEARNING the theatre shit I never knew, but needed to. I am learning the life shit that I have needed to learn.

My house is a haven. All of us are in the same work-horse mode, we pull through together. I have company now when I'll be up until 6:30am to finish a presentation.

So...my health is deteriorating, I've had to rely on coffee and energy drinks to get me through my days (which I HATE), and I have learned what it feels like to not get the "A" in the class.

but I love it. This is where I want to be.

so who's gunna watch you die?

2006-09-23T06:04:00.000-05:00

this post is more than a little late. oh well. shit happens. shows and classes and life happen.

but.

five years.

fuck man.

I remember the confusion. the not understanding. the understanding. I remember hearing friends of mine talking ab0ut enlisting. I remember anticipating a war.

and now....

I don' even know. WE don't even know.

I get so caught up in my own little life and my own personal life plans.....I forget about all the BIG issues that are out there.

I know I cannot completely understand what is going on all over the world...but dammit I should at least try harder. we all should.

What will happen the day that we are given a choice to make this a better country? are we going to claim ignorance and apanthy? or will we have the balls to stand up for that America should be and IS no matter how overshadowed or hidden?

I worry because we are so big. America is fuckin HUGE, how can we ever expect to agree on anything? and, maybe we shouldn't. but still.....our democracy is not perfect. and I can't stand those who blindly believe it is.

I'm tired. I wish I could understand.

I wish I could DO SOMETHING.

I wish it would all go aways sometimes...

we are ignorant to the rest of the world.

2006-09-13T19:32:00.000-05:00

LRA victims seek peace with past
By Karen Allen BBC News, northern Uganda

Twenty kilometres from a camp near Gulu in northern Uganda, 25-year-old Ben Ajok has started to build a new house near the site where, six years ago, he saw his father and his brother killed.

He is one of the growing numbers now heading home after the rebels of Uganda's Lord's Resistance Army agreed a ceasefire deal a fortnight ago. He is hopeful that the LRA rebels and Ugandan government will bury their differences and move on.

"I think they must now come back home mix with us - not stand trial," he says.

Favourite punishment

At least 400 LRA rebels have made their way to assembly points in southern Sudan as part of the ceasefire deal.

The news came from mediators at peace talks in Juba where the government of Uganda and representatives of the insurgents are trying to navigate their way towards ending this brutal 20-year civil war.

They were taken by the LRA, some when they were still very young. I think they must now come back home mix with us - not stand trial"
Ben Ajok

Two million people have been displaced in the conflict, and many who survived the vicious machete attacks and shootings have had their lips cut off - a favourite punishment of the rebels notorious for their use of child soldiers.

Vincent Otti, the second in command of the LRA, is said to be at one of the assembly points just west of the river Nile.

He has told the UN's emergency relief co-ordinator Jan Egeland in a tense series of telephone calls that he wants him to press for the arrest warrants against the LRA leadership to be dropped.

Mr Egeland has influence, but not the final say in the course the International Criminal Court takes; and without its own police force to arrest the rebel leaders, the ICC would have to rely on the military for help.

What makes the position even murkier is that the Ugandan President, Yoweri Museveni, has offered an amnesty to the LRA leaders if they secure peace.

It is a blunt contradiction perceived by many observers as a snub to the international community, who have grown impatient with the president's handling of the conflict.

Mr Egeland has stopped short of criticising the international court, but has agreed to act as an informal mediator in return for the release of women and children held by the LRA.

He said that "they are committed to ending the war in northern Uganda.

"Vincent Otti is now engaging with me in a pretty heavy exchange and I've asked for the release of women and children.

"I have some assurances that this will happen."

Alternative to revenge

No deadline has been set for women and youngsters to be released, but it is seen as an important bargaining chip by all sides - not least because more evidence is emerging that the LRA has young, recently captured children in its ranks. A group of them on the move were witnessed by the BBC in northern Uganda.

Mr Egeland came to the peace talks with a stark message from the victims of the LRA.

One of the world's most brutal conflicts could be drawing to a close

During a traditional campfire gathering in northern Uganda over the weekend, men and women who fled to the safety of camps that pepper the countryside told him bluntly they prefer reconciliation over revenge.

They do not want to see the LRA's leaders in the dock, fearing that it will simply delay the passage to peace. Acholi culture offers an alternative - traditional ways of righting past wrongs.

"I'm prepared to forgive," Ben Ajok adds. "I don't want the rebels punished. They were taken by the LRA, some when they were still very young."

The LRA has already entered the history books as one of the most brutal rebel movements ever, perpetrating killings in what the UN famously termed one of the most "neglected conflicts" in the world.

It might be hard to comprehend this hunger for reconciliation. But with the prospect of leaving behind two decades of terror, then maybe not.

I don't have the time for a personal post, so here's a little glimps into what's going on around us.

peace.

well what do you know?

2006-09-04T18:00:00.000-05:00

Steve Irwin being killed by a sting ray is like dodging a bullet and getting hit by a bus.

shitty.

I chime in with a "people haven't you ever heard of, closing the god damn door?"

2006-09-03T03:47:00.000-05:00

no no. It's better to face these things with a sense of poise and rationality.

it's interesting to witness another at their worst.

fascinating if you will.

oh...what one will do for another they care about.

the best and the worst of people brought out in one situation.

fascinating.

why?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

does it feel good to be bad?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

maybe we all need a little destruction.

hm.

"Drink hearty lad."

2006-08-29T17:01:00.000-05:00

any one of you out there that says you love theatre and plan to keep it in your life, YOU are OBLIGATED to read this play. If you don't fall under this category, still read it.

Long Day's Journey into Night
By Eugene O'Neill

this is the most tragically beautiful play, I was just completely taken by it. not that you should expect anything less, O'Neill is one of the greatest American Playwrights there has ever been (an probably will be) the man won FOUR Pulitzer prizes and the NOBEL PRIZE for literature, the first American to ever.

the man had a seriously fucked up life and made so much beauty out of it.

READ THE PLAY.

I promise you wont regret it.

my arms my legs my heart my face the are alive...

2006-08-29T16:40:00.000-05:00

...and she would cry, LIAR LIAR!

that's right, I just quoted Cursive in my post. Not really a band I would usually be into, right? I'm as surprised as the next...but they've grown on me. At least, the album the Ugly Organ has. If anyone cares, it is album that inspired the play Butcher, which is our lab show this semester. it's dark, sad, and good.

....come see it. October 20th and 21st.

enough shamless promotion.

I suck at making friends in classes. Get me at a party and I'll talk to anyone in the room! I'll start up conversations with complete strangers, no biggie! but in CLASS. it's like my social skills just run away while I am there! which really sucks when I don't anyone in the class.

well, I got the nerve up to start up conversation at my art table, which was nice, the other three people seem real nice. There was this one guy in particular, he was cute, seemed a little shy, so, ya know, I tried to engage him in a little conversation.....

......and I think he's gay.

Ok, now, this is just getting rediculous. you must understand, I came to school this year with high hopes of the fun new freshman class that would be full of cute boys that I could date. I was even more excited when I heard that the majority of the theatre majors were boys.

ALL of them are gay.

ALL!!!

we are at about a 4/1 ratio of gay to strait men in my social group!!

and it's not that I have a problem with their being gay, not at all, almost all of my best friends are gay, what I have a problem with is that they are not straight.

I need to expand my circle.

then, when I try, I FIND ANOTHER ONE!

harumph.

if anyone knows an attractive, funny, straight boy that they think would be interested in me, go ahead and give him my number.

the pickins seem to be a little slim over here.

and the world has returned!

2006-08-23T18:57:00.000-05:00

Hooray!! I am back fully engrossed in life here again! Today was our first day of classes, as well as my first day working in the Costume Shop (that's right friends, I will actually be making a little money this year!! w00t!)

Ahhh....intellectual stimulation....how I have missed thee.....

My MWF classes are Basic College Math (shouldn't be too bad) and ArtHistory I. I am actually going to have to study for Art History, like, regularly, not just before the tests happen. lame, but I think it'll at least be interesting and it's for my major, so it's usefull to know. ...I'll just keep reminding myself of that.....

We had our first official theatre party Monday night!! It was our Freshmen Party where we got to really meet and hang out with all our new majors and minors. It was at my house and I really think it went great! I look forward to many more ragingly awesome parties to come!

and I am off now to do all the things that I should have been doing the past week and a half.

rock on kids.

peace.

[EDIT]

I am suddenly filled with this uncontrollable urge to prove myself.

NOW.

I have to be amazing this year.

I need to know that I can do it.

I need others to know that I can do it.

I need it to happen.

Happy New Year!

2006-08-17T17:08:00.000-05:00

Ever since I was about...seven I've stopped feeling that excited anticipation for the new year. It's usually just an excuse to have a fun party and celebrate the changing of the year. ok. but it never feels different or exciting, it's actually completely anticlimactic because we all just go back to our everyday lives onces the party is done. no different that any other party. this is part of the reason that I think I've never felt any great conviction to create and hold a New Years Resolution. I find personal change is easier to accomplish when it goes with another big change...getting out of habit with no other outside force is so hard.

but the start of a new school year, THAT is the beginning of a year to me. that is the starting fresh. so, this year, I am making some resolutions that I intend to keep.

One. I will keep up with current events. enough of my own hypocracy, I will do what I know I need to do to be doing. If I have the time to read and update blogs, then I have time read the news.

Two. I will not let myself "get by" in my classes that have to do with my future. I demand that I work my ass off to make myself proud of the work that I do for each and every art and theatre class that I take.

Three. I will challenge myself in my theatre work. I need to prove to my theatre and to myself that I can do what I love and that I can do it well. I have had small accomplishments, but I need to do something more. I will follow through with my desires and plans.

Four. I will not let myself give in to the temtations of over eating and abundant junk food. I will keep concious of what I am putting in my body as well as how much I excercize.

So there they are. I am determined to keep them. and I encourage you kids to call me out if you notice that I am not doing these things. If I plan to suceed in this world I need to be able to have the self controll and dicipline.

In somewhat unrelated news, I just had a MET meeting (Ministry of Experimental Theatre, my schools Lab/Blackbox Theatre, on which I am the historian and board member) and we had a lot to go over, but one item of interest is that I am now the Artistic Director of the group. It's not quite what it sound like, it simply means that I am the go between for faculty and us, so that if they, or anyone really, has a question they know who they should go to. SO! This is my lesson on being assertive.

god I hope I don't fuck up.

I have a meeting TOMORROW with the head of our department, who is also our faculty advisor, to ask him for the money that we need to buy the connectors in order to re-cable our entire lighting grid. The job that is already, and irrevesibly, half done. The connectors are going to cost more than he will want to give us. I have to make it all work. Think good thoughts for me kids. I'm a little nervous.

peace.

"Reach out with your feelings!" ...thanks Obi Wan...

2006-08-16T01:14:00.000-05:00

twas a good day. I still failed to rise before 11am....but ya know, school starts in a week, so I'm still using the "I can so I will" excuse.

but my day began with breakfast for lunch, then a strolling trip to the mall, witnessing a friend cut off, and almost hit, a motorcycle cop (luckily he was let off with only a warning, but that cop was PISSED).

Then I helped to gut the Lab theatre and re-organize for the new year. The cabling that runs to the lights was old and not up to code, so if something needs to get done, then you gotta do it yourself! or...have Andy do it....whatever. The point is, we cut down all the cables, unhung all the lights, and now we have NO source of light in the theatre save the worklights. Let's hope the new connectors come in in time for us to re-cable and re-connect every instrument and still be able to light the first show! hah! nah...we'll be good. hopefully.

As I was waiting for friends to finish rehearsal, my housemate and dear friend Jenny comes in my room from just getting home from driving all the way from Peoria to Libertyville, just to turn around, after being in town for less than an hour, and come straight back tp Peoria. Her father forced her to miss a day of work to trade vehicles with her brother. To top it off, she accidentally rear-ended someone on the drive home.

not a good day for my friends to be driving it seems.

There was no damage done, and she didn't get in any trouble either, so that was good. But, needless to say, she had less than a pleasant day.

Now, my dearest readers, I would like to inform you of a very special group that I am part of. It is called 11:02 Club. It was birthed from a rather serious talk one night on my porch between myself and two of my friends. We were discussing our unpleasant family situations, our concerning financial standings, and how it sucked that we were stuck in Peoria where we were basically helpless to do anything about it. So, we have become each others support. Basically one of us will have a bad day, and the others will make sure to come to their aide with a drink or a shot accompanied by a big smile and some much needed laughs.

Jenny needed a meeting. So, with Mikey (the third member) being out of reach, Jenny and I giggled our way to the kitchen to create "Mushy Delicious". Basically we took all the fruit in the house (pineapple, a banana, grapes, and a peach) and blended them into something spectacular. Then, right as we were adding the final fun ingredients, Michael walks in with some bad news about his grampa and saying he needed an 11:02 meeting soon.

most perfect timing ever.

so, the three of us enjoyed our amazing drinks (drank out of the wackiest cups in the house) out on the porch and laughed.

now, that sounds like a great end to a long day, BUT WAIT! there's more!

this all took place at still an early time, and all while anticipating the ACTUAL night festivities.....PIE AND STAR WARS!!

this is an event originated by the amazing David Alex and myself last January, and oh, it is SO fun. So, the real end to my night was devouring some french silk and lemon meringue pie while watching A New Hope and laughing more with so many of my fellow nerdy friends.

I had a far more eventful day that I had previously thought.

I'm happy to be home.

anyone perfect must be lying, anything easy has it's cost...

2006-08-13T03:02:00.000-05:00

ok. why is it that the most insignificant of inadvertent of pseudo insults, for SOME reason carries more merit than the most intentional of compliments?

I only ask because this, I swear, is not only a "jessi is crazy" thing, but much more of a human thing.

but WHY??

it bothers me because I don't understand it and I even completely do not approve of it, seeing as I realize and can recognize it's existence, but still......it happens to me. I find my feelings hurt by the most STUPID things! and I know this!! yet they still feel this way!?! WHY?!?! god damn....

. . . . . . . . . . . .

I have come to the realization that I can rationalize almost anything....it's a gift and a curse.....but because of this I can see why things happen the way they do, often times....and for this I usually rationalize why it would be just pointless to get angry, or why it is just silly and unwarranted that I would react with anger or upset-ness. this, I fear, leads to the incredible amount of tension in my neck and back and, often, my inability to confront people.

I need to learn how to be assertive.

I need to learn how to be ok will telling someone that I do not like them. especially when I have good reason not to! eeesh.

I am a "nice" person. I really am. but I LOVE who I am.

...it's not an easy thing....to love yourself.

It's taken me a while to realize it, and it's taken even longer to realize that the fact that I do love myself is a rare and good thing. ( I would like to thank Adrian for a part of that, the whole loving myself thing...he made me believe I am beautiful.....hm....) but at the same time.....I see so many faults in myself. but the agitating thing is is that I know that everyone has these thoughts, I know how unoriginal we all are.

I realize that all my prophetic spewings and thoughtful banter are just narcissistic blatherings of the yuppie world who think we know more and are smarter than we really are.

which is frustrating.

because I want to just vent, to ramble, to spew all these stupid, trite, asinine thoughts that have been thought by a million other people at a million other times about a million other issues, just because it makes me feel special and intelligent and like I know something about this fucked up world we live in....but I know.....I KNOW that I really don't. I know that I have only scratched the surface of that LIFE and of what FRIENDSHIP and of what LOVE really is or means....

I am so young. I am so naive.

but then....I'm not.

so I don't know.

I don't know much.

.....

maybe I don't know anything.

confidence sure is something. if you are confident in what you do....you can convince the world you right, when really....you are just as insecure and stupid as the rest of us.

oh what a world...what a world.

and what a people....eh?

about damn time...

2006-08-10T16:08:00.000-05:00

all righty kids. here is the major post that I've been meaning to do for....a while. So here goes!

To begin with, CAMPING!

True to Veverka form we were packed to the gills and I was squished into the back seat. But, it was totally worth it because the trip was fantastic. We got the best camp site we've ever had, it was big, flat, and a good blend of shady and open. My aunt and uncle came join us for the day, with their great kayaks, then Mo (the mums super fun sister) stayed another day. We hiked, swam, boated, read, played cards, drank, laughed, and relaxed.

This is Devils Doorway (a fucking awesome rock formation that's with natural....or the Native Americans did it...either way, super cool) Then that's Lucka and I swimming off of the rocks below the bluff, then it's the spectacular view from atop the East bluff. so beautiful.

Then it was back to O-town for the unenthusiastic completion of my online classes with Waubonsee (which I totally aced, which means that I totally could have slacked off more and not tried so damn hard and maybe had a little more fun....fucking sociology....) and visiting the people that I should have been seeing all summer! Alison had the loviest of get togethers during which I got to see four of my absolute favorite ladies, as well as one of my favorite gentleman. Then, it was off to the city for me on a whirlwind tour of apartments!
Cori, Katie, and I spent our day first visiting the great apartment of Di and Alex. It was a great time, the place it really fantastic, and we had the best lunch and Nookies where we were basically given this huge plate full of like, five pieces of pie and cake because they were just going to throw it out and we were the only ones in the restaraunt. fucking delicious. Then we three met up with my cousin Teri for a cool drink and a visit in her apartment (we made the stop mostly because it was POURING and we were wating on Gunnar to get back to us). Once we made her sufficiently late for ther dinner plans, we said our goodbyes and were off to see Gunnar's new place! which was tiny. And by tiny, I mean like, practically dorm room small with a closet for a "kitchen" and a bathroom that literally comes OUT of the "closet". But, it's all his, so he couldn't be happier. The day was long and good. oh wait. except that whole parking ticket shit. moral of the story, the police DO check to see if you have a parking pass at the Aurora station. just so you know. bitch.

After all those antics, it was back to home for me where I was in a flurry of packing for the next couple days. The night before I left the fam and Lucka and I went to see Lady in the Water, which, not matter what ya'lls may think, I really liked. I like the way M. Night makes movies. I love his characters. I'm a sucker for good characters and good interactions. It was a sweet story and Paul Giamatti is fucking brilliant.

Then Saturday was a trip to Peoria! and here I am. All moved in. I'd have pictures buuuut....I didn't feel like it. But it's fucking sweet. I love it here, I love my housemates, and I've actually had a super low-key week so I'm finally getting the ME TIME that I haven't had time for all summer!!

People are arriving now too, since I'm back so early, the only people in town are those in or working on the show, and the actors didn't get in until yesterday, so now I have more company too. Yay for friends!!

A little look into my night last night...

Andy (with the facial hair, also the token male in my house) decided to buzz all his hair off so Mike decided to trim his hair as well. It was quite precious. Andy decided he now wants to be the guy in the army who cuts all the new recruits hair.

So! that's the past three weeks of Jessi's life at a glance! I'm sure more silly blather is to come, as well as tales of stupid college fivalities, but hell, if I don't do all those rediculous things now....when will I?

peace.

beautiful.

2006-08-09T12:08:00.000-05:00

I just spent the most glorious morning listening to a thunderstorm while I was snuggled perfectly in bed with the rainy breeze flowing through my room.

aaaahhhhh.....

unfortunatly that meant that I didn't get out of bed until 11:30....but hell, I earned a few days of sleeping in right?

such a good morning.

HELP!!

2006-08-04T21:45:00.000-05:00

Ok, I just want to find the video of the August 03 So You Think You Can Dance. WHERE IS IT!!! I suck at finding thing on this crazy internet business. I just want to watch the beautiful dance to that fucking awesome Imogen Heap song.

someone needs to tell me where to go to find it. you young'uns are good at this stuff, so GO!

thanks.

Oh, and I am in the process of moving in to my spectacular room here! hooray for home!!

eeeesh.

2006-08-03T01:33:00.000-05:00

there is a very big post to come filled with camping, shopping, city visits, and probably moving in.

a lot has gone down recently and I have had NO time to document it.

but it may be a while...I've got homework and finals to do, packing, and socializing, on top of my grandma just getting re-admitted to the hospital today. They think she may have had a stroke. I'm off to see her tomorrow morning REAL early, so yeah. It may not be until I've moved in and figure out my internet situation sooo...hang tight.

I shall return.

I have a feeling my sanity will need it.

peace kids.

wilderness, HERE I COME!!

2006-07-24T21:55:00.000-05:00

I'm off to camp tomorrow morning, bright and early! Lets hope I can survive the four days of solid "mommy-time". Don't get my wrong, my mom is great and I love her to death, I really do, buuuuuuut she's crazy. So! that means Cori and I may need to run away for small periods of time.

but, we'll make it and our bonus will be Dust and Dan coming up on friday for a fun-filled weekend with just the four of us. AHHHH WE'RE GUNNA HAVE FUN!!

I LOVE camping.

catch you all when I return on sunday!!

peace.

Hey. Call me.

2006-07-22T16:05:00.000-05:00

I've been spending hours upon hours on homework this past week. my brain is going to DIE. buuuuuut it means I will hopefully not have to touch it for the week I am camping. which is a GOOD thing.

So I am leaving very soon. I will be moving down probably Friday the 5th. This means that anyone I have said "we should hang out!" needs to call me and be like "bitch! lets hang out!" before I am lost in Bradleyland.

got it?

good.

I'll be expecting phone calls.

riiiight......NOW!! GO GO GO!!

no?

lameasses.

heh, peace my children.

Go read a newspaper...or visit BBC news..

2006-07-19T18:52:00.000-05:00

I cannot talk anything political with my mother. She is such a conservative America-lover that it pisses me off. I mean, not overtly, but enough to not listen to anything telling her contrary to the shitfaced biased conservative crap she listens to everyday on the radio.

In Mrs. Pages class I remember we learned a term for when people become so caught up in their own personal lives and worlds that they can no longer see nor risk anything for the world outside their own...I wish could think of it now because it would encompase most of the US suburbs.

"Why does it take catastrophe to start a revolution if we're so free?" -Jonathin Larson

One more show in the bag...

2006-07-16T21:50:00.000-05:00

Well, Beauty and the Beast has finished it's wildly successful run. It was a fast and intensely busy show for me, but I honestly loved it. If I could have spent six weeks working that show alone...I would have in a heartbeat. just imagine how much more I could have done....

but I am going to miss it. I got real attatched to a lot of the kids this year. It was a very good group of kids, plus some spectacular newbies. It's kinda weird for me because I am at the awkward cusp point now where I am out of the high school thing, but only by a year. I mean, I've been friends with a good number of the kids for a couple years, so it's natural to want to be one of the gang, but at the same time there is still that definate difference now. That one year does make a difference. I'm a big kid now. but not so big that I can't still want to and enjoy spending time with all the high school people.

growing up is funny.

anyhoo, I am enjoying an evening of Me Time. I sat on my computer for a while downloading skins for ReaPlayer and listening to music. then I did some laundry. now I'm going to read and go to be REAL early.

a quite evening that was very much needed.

peace.

ps
last night was the first time, in the six odd years that my neighbors have had their pool, that I ever swam in it.

at 4am.

what a spectacular night.

everyone take a little Me Time

2006-07-14T14:27:00.000-05:00

Did you know that a person should have at least 15 touches a day to be healthy? Granted this could be a totally arbitrary number, but I do know that experiments have been done that prove that humans are social and physical people that need physical interaction with one another. a brush of a hand, a touch of a knee, any sort of positive human contact will make you a healthier person.

I sometimes think that so much of our struggles and discontentments could at least be slightly lifted if we could gain a level of comfort that allowed more of us to touch one another in a positive way.

So go get your 15 touches. hold hands with a dear friend. embrace a family member. high five a team mate. squeeze the arm of a counterpart.

lets all be a little healthier.

OPENING NIGHT

2006-07-13T14:19:00.000-05:00

Come see the show.

DOOOO IIITTTTT.....

...no phonecall for Jessi?

2006-07-11T00:54:00.000-05:00

I'm tired. I'm ready to be done with the show. I hate that feeling when it's not over yet, a lot of work still needs to be done, and especially when it's a show that I have been so anxiously anticipating for...well, the better part of a year. but I'm getting a little burt out. It'd be different if I had gone into it fresh, but P&P really took it out of me. But I'm still enjoying what I am doing...I am just really ready to have some time to myself. To work on projects that I get to wear and enjoy.

Plus when I'm tired and overworked I get bummed and worried very easily, and I do not like that. small things that I normally can brush off all seem more important...or at least more poignant. I dunno. I just feel out of it.

I'm getting ready to go back to school. I miss my home. I miss my friends. New and old. I am really sad at the serious lack of any friend contact with my graduating class this summer...well, with the exception of Alison (but that's because we worked to together drove together). We all made all these plans to see each other and hang out...and that has not happened. kinda sucks. I had hoped that we would do a camping trip like last year, so I handed the planning over to vladipants so we could get a head start on reservations and stuff before school got out, but it looks like all of that just fell to the wayside.

sleep time. someone bring me candy and hug.

peace.

13 hour days are normal...right?

2006-07-09T14:42:00.000-05:00

working on costumes. I need to learn how to work faster. I am such a trial and error person, especially with working with new materials and concepts, because I don't know how to really "plan" what I am doing. I love the different attepts and trying to figure out what will work with whatever crazy means I can scrap...

...but then that takes me twice the time it could potentially have taken if I had the knowhow to really PLAN exactly what needs to be done and how.

I need to work on that.

see you all in a week when I have a life again!

peace.

someday and Oscar I will have...

2006-07-04T00:43:00.000-05:00

If I could sit around all day every day making incredible costume pieces, elaborate masks, and rediculous hats...I think I would be in heaven.

I want to do this for the rest of my life.

I want to be GOOD at this.

I think I am...I hope I am...I plan on getting to be.

I like to think that I have a knack for it. I mean, I'm not great, there is a LOT that I need to improve on and still need to learn, but...I love it. and I'm crafty. and I'm damn hard working.

so...where in that is there room to fail?

right?

god I don't want to fail.

in life I mean.

I want to work my ass off to make actors shine, I want to burn, poke, cut, and paste my hands every day of my life doing what I love to do.

I want to succed.

I NEED to succeed.

I NEED to prove it to all of my family, all of my friends, and all of myself that I CAN do this in the world and not fade away into the land of the 9-5s and cubicles.

ya know, doing other things, my work with the kids this summer in particular, has shown me that I honestly can be happy doing other things with my life other than theatre. I COULD pursue some other course.

but then I could never see another movie or play agian. because it would cut me to the quick. I have given up music in my life for a year now, only a year, and I am still practically moved to tears whenever I hear a live band or choir and I think of how much I miss being a part of something that magical.

If I took theatre out of my life, it would have to stay out. and that just cannot be done.

I look at friends at school and I wonder how they can go through life without drive. of any kind. I wonder how people can just choose a career, something they could potentially be spending the rest of their lives doing, without a sense of calling.

I wonder if only a few of us are born with passion inside of us.

Isn't that the only explination though? I mean, some people, some people you can tell that they had passion, they raged with some kind of fire about something, but that fire was put out for some reason. something killed their passion, be it lack of money, or too much of it, the had it once, but it's left them. they are one breed. but then there are the people who have no desire for anything. their goals are thin and their motivations are superficial. they move through life with the crowd, do what needs to be done, and are fine with that. and it's not bad. it honestly isn't. I just don't understand it. I can't comprehend the listlessness of them. I cannot grasp the person that has no dreams.

because sometimes I feel so overwhelmed by the power of what I feel for my work, my dreams, my friends, my family, my LIFE that I can't breathe. my chest wells up and I tear up because of the deep rooted feeling that I have for all that is truely special in my life.

but...I'm young and idealistic.

I don't know what it is like to not make a rent payment. to not have the money to eat dinner.

but I can see my loans starting to build up. I am starting to feel their weight. only a little, because I know I still have time...but it's there. resting around my tenth vertibre next to my right shoulderblade alongside my social insecurities. I am seeing how easy it is to not have a job no matter what career path you choose.

well, actually, it can be a little comforting to know that everyone looses out at some point. misery enjoys company eh?

but anyways. I repeat myself. I've ranted on this topic before...and I know I'll do it again. it still makes me feel a little better for a little while when I do it. and I often forget, with the awesomeness of this whole blogger account, but I started blogging as mostly a personal thing. I need to remember that.

worry less.

peace.

SEE LIMELIGHT THINGS!

2006-07-01T12:36:00.000-05:00

come see Pride and Prejudice (tonight only!!!!!) it really is very good, totally worth going out to see. Plus...boys look cute with tailcoats and ascots, I'm just sayin.

come see Beauty and the Beast the 13-15th. I'm sure I'll be freaking out about it a little on here later because I have to costume that whole show in....six days?

aaahhhhhhh.........

soooo I'm not going to exist for about two weeks until that show is over SO! the best way to probably see it so come see the show!!!! so...Come see the show!

and bring all your friends.

twice.

DO IT.

"To licking correctly!"

2006-06-25T18:51:00.000-05:00

so I just got home from my overnight at my school-home, Arcadia. it was just me and two of my best friends in for the weekend, and WONDERFUL. I got in later than I wanted to because I had to run about purchasing things saturday morning before I could roll out, but it was worth it.

I arrrived, picked up the glowing roses for Beauty and the Beast, saw one of my favorite people in the world, painted my room, then grilled with all the Bradley people who were in town!! absolutely what I needed to happen.

good food. good drinks. good people. a good weekend.

AND! my room actually look like a bedroom now!!

original room...

new and improved room!!

I am pleased. the yellow isn't as nausiating as it seemed at first, and I am really happy with the red.

it was just really nice to get away, see some of the people who make me outrageously happy, and to concentrate on something different. something completely for me. ahhhhhh...

I'm a little refreshed. I'm feeling ready to get this week done. not "done" done, in a bad way, I'm just ready to tackle it and get P&P finished.

peace kids.

2006-06-21T22:51:00.000-05:00

I can't decide if life just got more or less stressed.

I think I need to get away to Peoria this weekend. I was a little trepidatious before, just because I am so concerned with the P&P costuming and everything, but now...I just need to run away a little. just a little. a short getaway.

a chance to breathe.

I'm feeling a little too full at the moment.

and I mean, it's not just all that I am doing in my days, I'm used to all that craziness and stress, it's nothing new, but now...I just...I just need a getaway before diving back in headfirst.

life is interesting. and good.

peace children.

BUNNIES!!

2006-06-19T13:15:00.000-05:00

So there is a bunny hole in the middle of my backyard. my dog, true to stupid dog manners, I think was excited by the bunnies and tried to dig them out. the result was strewn dirt and baby bunnies.

I just save three baby bunnies lives.

the other two were still sleeping in the hole.

one of the saved bunnies was just fine, but two were injured. one not so bad, but the other was pretty hurt...

I really hope the mommy comes back and the other two are ok. if not...well I may not be able to resist gaining a rabbit for a pet.

but really, all that matters is that I saved those three babies that were tossed about.

I rock.

"Nice legs sweetie"

2006-06-18T00:55:00.000-05:00

Molly and Ryan are married.

wow.

Mr. and Mrs. Ryan Minard. Mrs. Molly Minard. It's so funny. I've known Ryan (through Cori of course) since he was in jr. high, and now he's married! man...I can't imagine how strange it will be when it's one of my best friends standing up there...eeesh.

Despite the strangeness of it all, it was a lovely wedding! Zuber, kevin, cori and I had a grand time dancing our white boy/girl dancing.

the rest of my weekend has been/will be consumed with working parking for Prarie Fest. but, oddly enough, I really don't mind it too much. I mean, a.) I'm getting paid (only because I am already a park district employee) and b.) I kinda like directing cars...I don't know why...

today went well, I got to sleep in, which was much needed. then I was out in the sunny heat and live-saving breeze for around to 10 hours (well, that sunny part only lasted about 7 of those hours, but you get the drift) but the whole world kind of shows up for prarie fest, as least the part of the world that I never see, so I got to chat with a lot of people that I haven't seen in ages throughout the day and that was nice.

we didn't clear out until about 12:30am because of all the delays due to the small armagedon that we braved earlier in the evening, so we all were a little punchy by the time we signed out.

ah well, off to shower then sleep so we can do it all over again!

peace.

oh, ps, so I actually don't have crazy deadlines for my class, whoever was posting that shit was OFF. I actually just have until I take the test, which happens for the next like, ten days. so yeah, I have some deadline to it all, but it's totally do-able. w00t! that's a relief, I'll tell you hwhat.

inhale....exhale....inhale...exhale....

2006-06-15T12:57:00.000-05:00

well, life has gotten back to its usual hectic self!

I've got a real full schedual, but for the most part, everything is really good.

last weekend was spent visiting those Aguilars at Whagon Wheel Theatre in Warsaw, Indiana.

(the artistic direction was "be candid!".... Cori got the cute picture of them in costume...I'm still waiting for her to get me a copy...)

We saw Damn Yankees and DAMN was it a good show. I HIGHLY reccomend that you all try and make a road trip out to see them. you can find out more about these kids and their shows at Adrians blog http://blogitout.adrianaguilar.com/

but generally it was a very theatrically inspiring weekend. I just love seeing as much theatre as I can because I adore all the creativity that goes in to each and every show...it just gets me excited about life and creating and theatre and people... and it kinda sealed the deal that I NEED to work in a theatre next summer. like, real work. the kind that gets you paid. and looks good on a resume.

I've almost finished our first full week with my class of Special Ed kids. I've got 5-8 year olds this year and they are very different from the 3-5 kids. But, I am loving it. I'm in a room that had to have two classes put together (ok, with a school as HUGE as East, why do we have to do that? it just seems silly to not have enough rooms.) so that means my class has 14 kids (10 boys, 4 girls), 2 teachers, and 3 Aids. Generally, the kids are pretty good. they are still at that precious 'holding hands' stage, but they're old enough to actually 'talk' to, so it's real fun. I'm still not very good at being scary to dicipline them though...still working on that.

Limelight has really hit the ground running. I had the OH GOD moment on Tuesday when I realized just how soon Pride and Prejudice was happening and how I had almost nothing together for their costumes yet. But I've been working and will hopefully be able to get everything together and looking good in time!

Ump-ing for Sugar and Spice has been good this year. I've had the same two teams a lot of my games and luckily I really like the girls and the coaches, so they have made the games fun. otherwise that could really makey my nights suck.

I think I'm enjoying my work with ESY and Ump-ing more this year because this is the second year I'm working both of them, so I am a lot more comfortable and confident with what I am doing. less paranoid about fucking up. it's a good thing.

now, what's really the thorn in my side right now, amongst all this other stuff, is I started two online classes through waubonsee on monday. I'm taking intro to psyc and intro to soc to get ride of some gen eds. so what happened was, I totally missed the memo that I had to get textbooks for these classes, so, we didn't get to "log in" until the friday before classes start, so I didn't realize this until saturday morning as I was checking out my class work for the first time. I immediately e-mailed my teachers, telling them what happened and crap, then ordered my books. Anyways, the point is, I still don't have them and while it is an ONLINE class, generally promoted to be "work at your own pace" apparently my psyc class has several assignments due each week that will be inaccessible after that weekend.

ASS FUCK.

I am not happy about this situation. I know it's only a gen ed class, but I can be kind of anal about grades and this is putting me in a very uncomfortable position for the FIRST WEEK of classes. and I feel like and IDIOT having to e-mai my teachers like this. really, this has me more stressed than all of my other work this summer combined. damn books. better get here REAL SOON.

on an up note! I've actually made it one the treadmill pseudo-regularly for the past week or so! I'm determined to keep this up. I forget how good it feels to be pysically tired. I just wish I had a more interesting way get back in to shape, but hey, anything is better than nothing.

so, with all that on my plate, the next few weeks in particular are going to be crazy busy, so I don't know how often I'll be updating. hopefully I wont be too bad. I'm going to a wedding tomorrow night (Molly Ernst and Ryan Minard!!) so I'll hopefully steal a few minutes away from the HOURS AND HOURS I will be working parking for Prarie Fest to put up undoubtably cute picture and fully stories that will ensue.

until then, peace.

I love Michel Godry

2006-06-06T12:11:00.000-05:00

So I just spent my weekend at my soon-to-be-home, Arcadia, in Peoria, cleaning and painting. Miss Alison accompanied me and was basically a rock star. seriously, she cleaned and painted as hard if not harder than I did and she doesn't even GO to Bradley! she's the shit.

soooo, the big part of the weekend was painting my room. before I go too much further, let me explain the room. All right, so the situation with the house this upcoming year is that there were five people new people signed on to live in the house for this year, and then one person who is a senior and has only one semester of school left. but, after this had all been set up, one of the housemate ended up transfering schools, and therefore leaving them one roommate short. but, since the senior is leaving halfway through the year, the four who are staying wanted to find someone to replace the sixth housemate so they wouldn't be saddled with lots of rent money once the senior leaves.

this is where I come in.

I agree immediatley and requested to get permission out of the lame contract that says I have to live in the dorms for two years yada yada yada, and joined the party. now, unfortunatley, there are only five actualy bedrooms in the house. this meant that I would be converting the "green room" in the basement into a bedroom for a semester.

I probably should have looked at this room a little closer before I left for the summer, but I didn't want to get my hopes up before I knew for certain if I would be able to be granted permission to live off campus, and once I did know, it was the very end of the year and I was all caught up with finals and saying goodbyes, so yeah, I didn't asses the situation very well...

BUUUUUUUT! thanks to some MAJOR cleaning and painting from alison and I, the place is looking better already.

now....the colors are all off from what I was expecting. I wanted a much warmer, muted yellow, and a darker blue. buuuuuut....I'm not about to paint those lumpy walls all overy again, jesus, did that take FAR longer than inticipated. I'm thinking I'll do a texture of another color over the yellow to soften it up, and maybe distract from the fact that these are ugly cement walls a little? we'll see.

but yeah, once I get some carpet in there, I think it'll really start feeling like my place. I'm really fuckin excited to tell the truth. Arcadia is a beautiful house and my housemates are great people, so I have very high hopes for next year!

all right, off I go to do the millions of things that I should have been doing instead of posting on my blog. ooopsy.

peace.

life is suddenly very busy...

2006-06-01T22:11:00.000-05:00

soooooooo...yeah.

so, for anyone who doesn't know, my community theatre group, Limelight Theatre, is doing Beauty and the Beast for their musical this year. I have procured the awesome position of being in charge of basically everything that encompasses Costumes. From designing to building, and eventually, their upkeep. SO! I finally sat down a couple days ago to really look at just what that entails...

OH.

GOD.

Now, we are not renting ANYTHING for this production so every piece will be found/hand made. granted, I do have my sister and some moms who are great sewers on my side, but still....ahhhhhhhhh.....

this is a BIG undertaking.

especially, for me, because we are in Oswego East High School. The best way to describe that theatre is just UNNECESSARY. it is HUGE and waaaay too nice. and while it is a great opportunity for all of us to grow to do bigger things than Bednarcik Jr. High can offer, it also demands that we really bump things up and put on a show that at least attempts to do the theatre justice.

sooo...this show NEEDS to look GOOD.

not just good, GREAT.

FUCKING AWESOME.

I am not over-whelmed, but maybe a just a bit whelmed...

but in a good way. I am so excited for this, you have NO idea. I am determined to make these costumes beautiful. or die trying. this is a huge opportunity to prove that I can do this stuff. and, not even just to anybody else...but to myself most of all.

I mean, I am NERVOUS about life after school, and I could really use some kind of reassurance that I am not just leaching off others that are around me. I need to be able to say "I did this. I MADE this. I am PROUD of this."

I guess I am just very insecure still about my abilities...and I...I dunno. I just am.

so yeah.

I have that on my plate for this summer. this all is on top of an 8 to 12 job every morning, being a softball umpire in the evenings, costume Pride and Prejudice, then kind of acting in Pride and Prejudice as well? (the question mark is because I auditioned for the show, but casting isn't decided yet) A very small to no part with the acting thing would actually be a bit of a relief for me, just so I could focus more on getting all that work done...

then trying to get to Peoria at least two times before school starts so I can have a livable room, a wedding in two weeks, as well at trying to get out to Wagon Wheel to see my Mexicans in their awesome theatre...

oy.

but really, I am the happiest when I am busy, so this fits me well! I was really going nuts for a while...I have had too much free time and I was getting FAAAAR too lazy.

so yeah.

peace kids.

I'm hungry...

2006-05-28T18:55:00.000-05:00

just some old pics from the day we sat in the lab studying for finals for HOURS...then went crazy and danced in bubbles. damn what a productive/fun day.

anyhoo, I played in the alumni band for Pappas's big retirement concert deely. it was fun, it mostly confirmed that I wish more than anything that I had any kind of time to devote to band at school. ah well. I'm considering in playing in the legion band over the summer just for shits and giggles.

peace.

X-MEN BITCHES!!

2006-05-26T12:56:00.000-05:00

That's right. we dressed up to see the midnight show of X-3.

it was pretty much rediculously fun.

Sorry for the lameness...

2006-05-25T00:40:00.000-05:00

Hey kids. Sorry about the HUGE gap in posting. With the craziness of finals, saying goodbye to friends, moving out, moving IN, Cori graduating, and all the trips that happened in between I JUST TONIGHT got my computer hooked up and online (the home computer was crap and wouldn't let me open blogger...bastard). but I return now!! (I had made a few feeble posts on my Xanga for lack of anything better...it was kinda fun...)

soooo...here's some useless blathering...

Mock Anthonys was greeaaaat. Despite the fact that it took a million years...it was lovely. I was a sobbing mess of course, but that was because I was more than a little drunk...and I'm a sentimental FOOL and really, I'd have been crying sober too. It was Gods/Goddess themed, Andrew and I went as the Goth rendition of Hades and Persephone.
ohhhh senior class...we shall miss thee.

Then came time for much fun...

...as well as some farewells...

...but that's how things roll!

so after a whirlwind of all that I made it home, cleaned, re-organized, and unpacked!
Jessi rides the train in to Chicago on an inpromptu visit to see Dan, and (surprise!) a bunch of Bradley people again!! woo!!

otherwise, I have enjoyed watching the Aguilars and the Goons put on a show to raise money for Limelight (which was very successful and beautiful), seeing my loves from bradley make a trip down to 0-town of visity, visity Augie for the third weekend in a row to watch Cori GRADUATE COLLEGE (crazy right?) and...be lazy. I have gotten out of bed before noon TWO times in the two weeks I've been home. disgusting I know. but hey, I had all of freshman year to sleep off...

now, I am in the process of figureing out how I am getting to Libertyville for the midnight showing of X-3 Thursday night.

peace.

I see angles in the architecture, spinning into infinity!

2006-05-03T20:55:00.000-05:00

oy.

This has certainly been a day of aaaaahhhhhhhhh....

I've just had some big eye openers as to just how soon I will be leaving my home and just how much shit needs to happen before that time comes.

Tomorrow is the first of five finals I have to prepare for, I have to move my big appliances into Arcadia, pack, clean the MET booth...

...and still spend every moment I can with my seniors before they leave me. It's still strange to have such a close friendship with someone who is going off to be a real adult. Ok, that sounded really stupid, but hopefully you know what I mean. I have a number of friends who are off to sunny California (one of which got a job offer and decided to move in the span of just a few days. she will be GONE on thursday. crazy.) for either jobs or amazing grad schools. others are heading home to chicago, accepting great jobs with good companies...REAL lives. weird.

and scary too because I still am so uncertain as to just what and how I am going to spend my life. Yes, I do have some time still, but really...I'd just feel better if I had a more definate plan.

anyhoo, back to studying for Western Civilizations.

later kiddos.

peace.

It's not peer pressure Jessi, it's just your turn.

2006-04-26T12:35:00.000-05:00

and now for a very summarized and poorly written review of what Jessi has been up to.

ohhh what grand times I have been having.

lets see. we'll start with Loves Labours Lost.

The show is about to start it's second weekend and we've been receiving very good reviews from those who have seen it (despite it's THREE HOUR run time)

I've been enjoying my roll as Wardrobe Head. Luckily I really kind of like doing laundry and sewing and polishing boots because with a cast of 24 of rather sensitive and mostly hand constructed costumes I'm doing a lot of that every day.
I am seriously considering seeing if Becki will sell me Cara's costume because really, it's the shit.

So between show stuff we had one of the infamous theatre parties named Debacle. This is thrown every year by the Juniors as a fund raiser for Mock Anthonys (OHS people, we had Grovers in response to the Oscars, here it's Mock Anthonys to the Tonys. cute eh?) So this is notoriously a naked party (not literally, but very wild). This year's theme was lingerie, which in my opinion is kind of a lame theme because that is kind of assumed already. Anywhoo, the moral of the story is that my friends and I WON that party.

Jenny and are very proud of those costumes because they were put together SO fast, but they still turned out uber hot. We even bronzed abs onto the boys (ala midsummer for those who remember just how hot Wackerlin looked)
While the party turned out much more "tame" than past ones have been, it was still a fabulous time with lots of mingling and good laughs.

Outside of parties and classes I've just been spending as much time as I can with my closest friends and dearest seniors because our days here are numbered (14 days?) and it'll be sad going from the "freshman train" to being back in good ole O town by myself.

good god time here is FLYING. I cannot believe I am literally days away from finishing my entire freshman year of college.

I'm sure I'll be rambling about that more later when I'm all sentimental and shit.

peace.

ps.
6am is only good to see when you haven't slept yet.

Let the sun shine! Let the sunshine in!! The suuunnn....shine innnn....!!!

2006-04-13T00:13:00.000-05:00

beautiful days = one happy Jessi

ps

I went to Crew View of Love Labours Lost tonight. Let me just say that it was Shakespeares most hilarious acid trip ever.

Let the sun shine!! Let the sunshine in!! The suuun....shine in....!!

2006-04-12T18:03:00.000-05:00

good weather = happy Jessi

I held my tongue, as she told me son, 'fear is the heart of love', so I never went back...

2006-04-09T16:20:00.000-05:00

man, so I slept in UBER late today. I mean, we're talking 2:45 in the afternoon, and I didn't ever drink last night so it's not like I was sleepin off a hangover or anything...I just did not want to get up. Oh well, I kinda wasted half my day, buuuuuut I needed the sleep.

Anywhoo, to makeup for my sloth, I got up, got ready all perkily and started cleaning my room. I currently have THREE loads of laundry running. So I got real hungry around 4 and grabbed some popcorn chicken from the student center and after my regular rounds of perusing blogs, I, in my cheerful, productive mood, decided to read up on some new for once! I go to BBC.com and start reading about the headlining new...and it's all about the violence and political unrest still prevalent in Iraq. One article was about how just a few days ago three suicide bombers snuck into this huge mosque and killed somewhere around 66 people and injured hundreds more.

despite the obvious horribleness of this act, the fact that they are targeting peaceful places of worship where everyday people go in love just kills my heart. And I know that is nothing new, I mean, they have had religious warfare for generations...but still...I live in a happy bubble where my biggest concern is my Biology test Monday, so when I take the time to really look at the world...it's always an extra fresh cut and especially poignant salt that's spread in it.

Bleeeeggghhhh, ok, I need to motivate again, I'll read more later. I think it'll be better if I spread out my reading so as not to get too bummed in one sitting.

So I just switched my laundry into the dryer. I usually wash my clothes at random times and days just because that's when it's easiest for me, but, I needed to get these clothes clean for the start of my busy life again, so I needed them done and out of the way today. Now, in doing my laundry at said obscure times means I really don't ever run into people doing laundry at the same time. But today is Sunday and therefore National Do Your Laundry Day.

I was watching my loads finish in LaundryView.com (best thing ever) and as soon as they ended, I scampered downstairs with my little box of sheets of fabric softener, so I was pretty surprised to find a guy in the laundry room folding his clothes. Yes, it was NOTHING out of the ordinary, but at the same time...odd. for me at least. I had no idea who he was, but he was just unloading his clothes, folding them, and putting them into his hamper...I was just switching my clothes into the dryers...but I dunno...there was something strangely intimate about it. It just kinda made me wonder how everyone else does their laundry. It's funny just how intimate clothes can be. CLOTHES. It's one of those things that does make total sense, but at the same time still seems very silly.

so yeah. that was a huge buildup for a lame thought...but oh well. It was a very different thought for me. I like thinking about all those things we ALL do in life...but each person has their own way of doing them...hrm.

peace out.

I'm pretty sure I've licked a rose before.

2006-04-05T02:54:00.000-05:00

Ok, the birds here apparently have no concept of nighttime, because it is 2:53 in the morning and they are CHIRPING!

This isn't a new thing either! the past few weeks I'll be walking home anywhere between 1-3am, and they'll be chirping away!

wtf?

Has Peoria's horrid light pollution broken their internal clock?

all I know is that it's a little creepy and a lot confusing.

- "Didn't you ever wonder where you got your powers?" - "Nope." -

2006-04-01T18:07:00.000-06:00

I have a feeling that thing are going to be getting better.

I don't really know why I feel this way...I just do.

EDIT

all right. so I think I have finally pinned down as to why I hate cheerleading.

Since I was in highschool I have harbored this intense fucking hatred towards cheerleading, but I have never been able to quite articulate what it was exactly that I disliked so much; but now I've finally got it.

They strive to be machines.

(now, I would like to say that I do not mean to bash the cheerleaders themselves, I've know a number of them in my day, and usually they are very sweet girls and boys. It's mostly the entity that I dislike)

But to begin with, we have the age old stereotype that all cheerleaders look the same. A cheap shot yes, but really now, more often it's true than not. In action their movements are sharp, angular, and impersonal. They sacrifice passion and intensity for the sake of uniformity. Their 'cheers' are devoid of emotion, concentrating only on being utterly insync with the other team members. (I shant rip on their lifts, because when done well, are, in my opinion, impressive, and I will give them that.)

Now, in any other performance aspect I'd be fine with this. I may not like it, but I doubt I would develop such a crazed opinion about it. But the thing is, they are supposed to cheer their team. Not be cute. Their performance should motivate a crowd to stand and shout, and a team to work run faster and play harder. Most cheerleaders I have seen repeat the same four simple cheers as listlessly as though they were being forced to read Great Expectations.

I'm sorry, but as an crowd member, I don't give two shits about their stupid little rhymes. I want something that I can really get into! I wanna move! Jump up and down and let my team know that I am there for them! They need to HEAR, SEE, and FEEL my presence! When a group of people are REALLY cheering in earnest, there is too much excitement to worry about absolute uniformity. And yes, group cheers can be awesome, but their the best when you're trying to out-do your neighbour, not be just like him! and if you're leading, yes, each of you should lead the cheer in the same way, but I am way more likely to follow someone who is constantly doing everything they can to keep me active and excited about what's going on on the field or court.

Flexing and un-flexing my arms on the downbeats of a monotone chant doesn't generally do it for me.

I just cannot remember every seeing a sincerely excited cheerleader EVER.

I'll save myself from being totally nerdy by not getting into why a good pep band can make or break a good cheering audience.

anywhoo, that was my rank for the day.

peace out.

p.s.
The AWESOME photo above is compliments of the exemplary skill of Mr. Vladimir Kucherov. he's so good.

here comes the sun, and I say, it's all right

2006-03-31T11:22:00.000-06:00

AAAAHHAAHAAHAAHAAA!! SUNSHINE!!

the weather yesterday was beautifully warm, and today it is even better. The sky is blue, the sun is shining and warming the world.

I am SO HAPPY.

ahhhhhh.....

so I housed a perspective student last night! It was a lot more fun that I thought it would be, because honestly, I was worried that it would be awkward and I'd have to uber babysit her all night. But I mean, I was looking forward to it, I was just preparing for the worst case scenario. But luckily she was real fun, kinda weird, but she really went with the flow and we had a good time. Plus she is pretty sure now (because of her visit) that she wants to come here next year.

I ROCK AT RECRUITING!

hah.

IT'S SO NICE OUTSIDE!! so I'm going to get off this wretched machine of indoors death, shower, then bask in the beautiful sunshine!

god Donovan was MADE for days like this.

peace and love.

ok go

2006-03-28T10:54:00.000-06:00

all right. this is one of the best things I have EVER seen.

ever.

OK GO - A Million Ways To Be Cruel on Transbuddha

spring fever?

2006-03-27T00:58:00.000-06:00

spring fever
n.
A feeling of languor or yearning brought on by the coming of spring

yep. I think that would be the vibe going around here as of late.

I am ready for sunshine, warmth, change, love, and excitement.

I want to clean things, re-organize, CHANGE.

I have a serious longing for....SOMETHING. I don't know what, but I feel like there is something painfully close that is going to or should happen...and it's coming...but I can't yet touch it...

slightly discontent.

erg.

pensive.

2006-03-26T04:40:00.001-06:00

EDIT:
This entry was made last night around 5am. I was a bit drunk and had been having a long night of lots of different things happening. I had the smarts to not post it then and there because, well, I was drunk and drunken posts generally don't reflect too well on the post-er. But I read it today and I've decided to post it anyways, typos and everything. I think it's interesting? meh.

a party, kinda.
that's where I am at. hangin out at Old Town. But this night quickly turned into me and Pookie time. We have had a quite the night of "seeing".

ignorance is bliss? but...the only conception of ignorance is what we build for ourselves.

hindsight is 20/20.

we see all and understand so much more...but where does that leave us? the more we think, the more we turn to our better judgement, and the more we look to that, the more inhibitions we develope.

a good thing? or resticting?

ignorance is bliss.

but where is ignorance without those who understand to esablish WHAT ignorane is?

where does understanding leave us?

alone and unhappy?

god I hope not.

ben and I agreed that there is this widespread feeling of UNREST.

I need SOMETHING to happen. I am discontent because I need some big emotional or whatever release to happen...something to make whatever crazy shit that has been going down make some kind of sense?

but, maybe it;s just spring fever.

I need some kind of change. I need to clean, to re-arrange, to feel, to MOVE...to something FUCKING else.

everyone I've talked to thie weekend has had a very similar result of at least last nights events being that we all had VERY late nights for some strange reason or other. All of us were up to somewhere around 5 or 6 in the morning.

I think we're waiting for something to happen. some kind of validation maybe.

Pookie and I were talking about how we, as people, will relate to certain albums or songs for certain points in our lives...and it's true. His has been Postal Service for the past week or so...because they have a way of making things poetic and therefore more pleasant....when really they are far from that. when you really listen...."I was the one worth leaving..." what the fuck. that is a fucking heart wrenching, soul hurting song....but it's beautiful and upbeat and therefore that makes it better.

I want LIFE dammit.

but where the fuck to I find it?

really.

LIFE.

what the fuck is it?

I have realized that I do not really have "bad days" and I can't decided if this is a good or a bad thing. I mean, it's good because it means that I guess I look for the optimism in each changing day and let the change of the day change and not let the bad keep me down....but at the same time...something I have realliy stated to notice because of acting class is just how rare it is that we as people are actually honest with OURSELVES,

when someone asks how I am doing, I respond GREAT.

WONDERFUL.

THINGS ARE AWSOME.

but...am I just lying to myself? that really isn't honsetly how I feel much of the time, but at the same time I can't help but think of 'leadership training' from high school and how if you put a smile on and speak positively you will generally just start to believe it. act energetic then you will be.

but what is the truth?

but saying I am great I get myself thinking I am and generally in a better mood (shoiuld I be in a bad mood) but then....I am not always truthful. is it better to be absolutely honest? but then what gets you the better side of the coing?

and suddenly all my quandries are seem absolutely inconsequential.

YOUR TUB IS BIG!

2006-03-20T22:15:00.000-06:00

so, now, don't get me wrong, I love working in the theatre shop. I mean, I dig building stuff. But the downer is that I use wax in my hair and therefore when sawdust is flying all over the place and it inevitably lands in my atop my head...it stays. and looks like I have dandruff.

no bueno.

all right, so I'm trying a new look. I dispised the old one so...ya know. I like the dark look. It's a little simple...but we'll see how it rolls.

Oooohhhh....thinking! right.

2006-03-16T21:52:00.000-06:00

So I've realized why my blogs have sucked so hard core recently (other than my obvious lack of proof reading....)

I haven't been thinking.

Seriously, I just haven't been taking the time sit and THINK about anything. I used to have all this time to myself at the beginning of the school yearn where I would read and think and have at least occasionally put out an interesting musing or two, but now...I don't have much Me time to think in. I'll sit down to try and write something but I'm so wrapped up in what's going on, what needs to get done, and where I'm going next that I can't form a coherent thought so I just babble about my past or present plans. And really...that's only interesting upon occasion.

I figured this out because I went to chicago this weekend, and in that I spent a bit of my time riding trains. I reall like train riding because I am either alone or with Gunnar, and neither situations have any pressure for conversation at all. I am free to stare and think. ME time. It made me realize I missed even the 7 minute travel time from my house to OHS every morning and night, because that was solid Jessi Alone Time. Now...even when I'll leave the theatre or Apartment B, Kelly's almost always in the room. It is very rare for me to get actual time alone to myself. And I won't really notice I miss it until a get a taste for it again either. I mean, I really function perfectly well and happily without said personal time, but once I remember that I should be having it...I realize just how good it feels.

I was riding home on the train tonight and I was just being my silly, over-thinking self and really wanted to gush to someone, buuuuut being on a train I didn't want to pop on the cell phone and inform everyone of the silly inner workings of Jessi's brain, so I started writing them down. This isn't a new action, I'll write when I am feeling particularly emotional or worked up, or just extra pensive. So I'm writing and thinking, and I decide that I need to buy and keep a journal for real. One that I will actually keep with me all the time and can write in whenever I feel inspired. My hope is that if I start disiplining myself, maybe I can use it as designated Me/Thinking time. Will it work? probably not on the first try. But I'm gunna give it a shot.

oh yeah, CHICAGO!

My trip was grand, so so fun. sigh. It was great getting to spent so much time with Dan. Plus the extra bonus of being on his turf this time. he's too good. and too far away. sigh.

Visiting with Gunnar was fun as well. We drank together for the first time too! It was quite amuzing.

ok, enough for now. catch ya'lls later.

peace.

aaaaahhhhh.....home.....

2006-03-13T14:07:00.000-06:00

Home sweet home...

But not until after a WAAANDERFUL weekend at Augie! Andrew (best friend from Bradley) and I bummed a ride to Augie with my roomie on Friday (it worked out awsome because she lives like, ten minutes away from the campus). So we showed up Friday and spent the evening just hanging out with Cori, we got dinner, grocery shopped, helped her get her big senior presentation ready for a few hours, then went home, made some popcorn and watched X-men! It was the exact mellow evening all three of us needed. Andrew and I were coming off a crazy crazy busy week of lots of work and lots of party...heh...heh...so the recoup time was welcomed, and Cori, as usual has been running herself ragged, so yeah. It was quite the definition of lovely.

Morning was met with home made breakfast by yours truely of garlic potatoes and eggs with feta and spinach. One word: delicious.

Then more hanging out at the theatre, watchin other senior presentations (which were AWSOME for the most part), then, oh possibly the BEST part of the trip....dinner with the Andersons.

Now, Wilder Anderson has been best friends with Cori since their freshman year. He is awsome. But, desite the long and dear friendship, our families have never actually met. So, this being the first time both families would be on campus at the same time, Darcy (Wilder's mom) invited our fam for dinner after Cori and Wilder gave their presentations. Let me tell you a little about the Andersons...Darcy and Steve are hippies. And I use ARE because they STILL are. For example, to this day, they never got married. They have three kids and been together for YEARS, but they just never bothered getting married. They all lived in Communal living for a good portion of Wilder's childhood, meaning they lived in a huge old house with two other families and just shared everything. Wilder as an additional like, four siblings that aren't "really" related, but they were raised as such. Then they moved to Alaska. Alaska people. And from there they moved to the quad cities where the house they are living in now has what is reffered to by all as "The Boom Boom Room" which is basically the main rooms of the basement which in covered entirely by lepard print carpet (ok, the carpet was there when they moved in, but they proudly admit it was a huge selling point for them). Plus they've had Wilder be the designated driver for concerts, and have an entire wall filled with CDs mostly consisting of Greatful Dead live recordings.

Hippies right?

SO! Add those crazy people to MY crazy family and what do you get?

THE BEST DINNER EVER.

Darcy is an amazing cook, so food was unquestionably delicious. We all went through about, eeesh, seven or eight bottles of wine, including this '88 bottle of....something amazing....that was apparently very close to an "ice wine" for those who know things about wine. All I know is that it was old, thick, sweet, and the best wine I have EVER had.

Conversation was just a blast and everyone thuroughly enjoyed themselves. Steve even busted out his guitar for a little bit at the end of the evening and played for us. He sounded quite a bit like Tom Waits, which was awsome.

But, the evening had to come to and end at some point, we had a party to attend at Cori's friends place, so we said our goodbye "Aiiiieeeyyyyyss!!" (meant to be said like a pirate....Darcy is crazy) and drove off.

The theatre party was fun, but a very different kind of party than Andrew and I are used to. Much more mellow. No where near as crazy. But still real fun, there was a lot of Oswego there! Nicole Cealka, Alison Annala (visiting for the night from Whitewater), and of course Squirly. Kyle was home for the weekend, but I got to see her earlier in the day, so huttah!

I had one of those very "my worlds are mixing! ah!" moments later in the night when Andrew and Squirly were becoming fast friends. But really, it was awsome.

and now I am home. I have slept a lot and plan to do some more before my antics in the city tomorrow! I'm home all today, then back thursday night through sunday, so if anybody wants to hang out, ya'll know where to find me.

peace.

He sneak make-ed out you.

2006-03-07T22:36:00.000-06:00

Ok, so ya know what like, activity? I missed out on COMPLETELY?

Comic books.

I totally missed the boat on these guys. I thought they were totally dead and archaic until people I know started talking about them and seriously, more people my age than I EVER would have expected are SO into Comic books!

So, I read a couple from some series that Dust was into like, two summers ago. I really got into it too. They are like really active books! with pictures! and they keep going! for issues and issues and issues...

but when it comes to Batman, X-men, Superman, and all those other superheros and the like, I am waaaaaaay out of the loop. The X 3 trailer was released last night and everyone I was with about shat themselves while watching it. I haven't even seen the first two movies, much less be able to identify every other new character from a .02 second shot. but whatever. Maybe I'll read them someday. I'll just steal Andrews.

Anywhooo, the moral of the story is if anyone wants to lend me their Comic books, I will totally read them. and they are not childish and stupid like I had kind of thought before. sorely mistaken.

oh...and I am desperate for things to post on...bio has rotted my brain.

peace out kids.

Bye Bye Mimi...

2006-03-04T21:42:00.000-06:00

Mimi, my family's cat, died a few days ago.

my mom noticed she hadn't seen the kitty in like, a day, which is funny because she usually curls up with my mom in the evenings, so she went outside to look for her. She found the cat under the canoe outside, in the spot she always used to hang out or sleep in. My mom was too sad to do anything but bury her righ there on the spot, under the canoe in her spot.

man. this is the first real pet I've ever lost before. It's weird because I'm not home to actually be able to get the full realization of her being gone.

she was a crazyass cat, but she had really kinda pulled a 180 on us from this past summer on...I'm gunna miss that fat cat.

so yeah. it's hitting my mom pretty hard, I think she's been having a tough time with both Cori and I being out of there this year that she channeled all her excess 'mommy energy' into the animals....and now Mimi's gone too....

she was a fun cat, I'll give her that. I'll miss her.

This is so better than Statistics

2006-02-28T23:28:00.000-06:00

Have you ever asked yourself, how many minutes would it take in a microwave to make a cookie with honey on top unrecognizable?

Two minutes.

Two minutes and a lot of smoke.

and pickles don't explode.

the best part was that we were dickin around right outside the theatre with the microwave (being power by a very long extension cord) and two different faculty members noticed what we were doin, and neither of them told us to stop.

Steve just asked us to move it further from the door because the smoke was making the building smell terrible, and Debbie, who had actually notified the fire department because they thought the shop was burning, simply kind of chucked and told us how she felt kind of silly calling the fire department back to tell them it was just cookies (they apparently just dismissed it as "the theatre").

best people ever.

EDIT:
I may have spoken a little soon. George (the head of the department) got wind of this and today in the place where the microwave used to be there now rests a note saying something to the extent of " The microwave has been removed by George because of saftey issues for the building"

woops.

but apparently a few years ago there was a second, older microwave that's sole purpose was for melting shit....so really it was only a matter of time before they noticed.

but don't get me wrong. I do feel bad for having the microwave get taken away, but there's another one in the upper lobby, and if it's that big of a deal we can either ask for it back, have Alpha Psi Omega buy us a new one, or have someone bring in one of their own.

it's fiiiiine.

So put your arrrrrms around me, your dinner lady arms...

2006-02-27T03:11:00.000-06:00

damn man. I cannot sleep.

I HATE note being able to fall asleep.

It really doesn't help that I've been feeling rather under-the-weather the last day and a half and really NEED the sleep. last night I was too achey and feverish and fitful to get a good nights rest...and now my brain just WONT SHUT UP and is keeping me up to all kinds of hours when I was looking forward to getting a good nights sleep, waking up early, and cutting my hair before my first class at 10.

harumph.

ok, enough bitching.

Lets see. news. I can't really think at the moment. I'm tired enough to be of no good use, but not tired enough to sleep...so please pardon my lame-ness.

Extremities just finished up it's first week of shows. It's the first mainstage of the semester, and it's an uber drama about this chic who is almost raped by this guy, but she manages to blind him with wasp repellent and lock him in her fireplace. The rest of the show is her being crazy and her roommates trying to get her to not kill him. it's intense. but it's fun for me, I'm working makeup run crew so I get to basically nap (seriously, I usually sleep through the whole first act) until intermission where Jess (the makeup designer) and I do a super fast application of latex and shit to make Joey (the rapist) have bloody, irritated eyes, a bloody nose, and this huge burn across his neck. I wish I had a good picture, it's super brutal. so that is super fun, then I am done and can chill out for the rest of the show.

not a bad gig.

Ok, I am soooooo pissed. I just figured out that I wont be able to go see OHS's musical!! It is RIGHT in the middle of finals!! FUCK! I am a terrible person. I did not see a single one of their shows. But, I mean, it's not like I just chose not to see them, I've always had some other commitment...but still. I feel terrible. I really wanted to see at LEAST the musical!!

boo.

I am so bummed.

spring break is soon! That's some news to make me happy. I am making plans to go to Auggie to see my sister, kyle, squirly, and everyone else I like who goes there, as well as make a trip in to Chicago to visit Gunnar, Di and Alex (I hope), and Dan (my valentine), plus spend some good time at home with the rents watching movies, and getting to see the Goons, and Vladipus!!

it will be a good break. it better be

okok, enough of my late night babblings...I should go try to sleep some more....

peace.

The Darkness' new album One Way Ticket to Hell...and Back is awsome. It's my obsession album as of late.

and I will follow you into the dark...

2006-02-21T02:13:00.000-06:00

life is good right now.

I feel so stupid just posting and posting about my stupid little adventures and lame college parties, but really...man, I hope you all realize that to me, it's not what I'm drinking but who I am drinking with. I hate to think that people may have this negative connotation of me because of all the stupid party shit I post on here...it's just that it's usually the fun time most recent on my mind and I have pictures that I enjoy from it, and I just love posting about my friends because it makes me happy to think about them.

Andrew and I have been thinking a lot recently about how much we will miss the seniors when they are gone...genuinely, a hole will be left in their absence. I feel so 'high school' pouting about all this, and I totally know that after about two weeks into school next year things will pick up like they were never there and all...but still.

ah, no, not sad thoughts. I am too happy for that jazz right now. I have just been like, constantly social these past few weeks and growing very close to a number of people....

I am home here.

I have so many plans for the months and years to come....I am getting this realization of just how young I am in this place and for all the crazy times I have had this year, I am only going to have more and crazier ones. and I do party waaaaaaay more than I ever expected, but I would not take back a night (well...maybe one or two....hehehee...) because it's part of a life here that I have completely embraced. I have found a wonderful breed of people that constantly are involved in theatre, do respectably in their school work, and still party frequently.

My goal? to never get a C in a class. ideally my goal is actually to keep as close to a 4.0 as possible, but I know myself well enough to know that I will not be able to keep up all A's with all the theatre I do. But I am determined to not get a C. ever. But at the same time, keep up the serious dance party scene.

I can do it.

we were laughing at how we were all becoming vampires because we are seriously creatures of the night. and hey man, that suits me just fiiiine. I've always been a night owl.

peace and love kids.

ps
you all have an assignment.
this week you have to do something out of the ordinary, something silly, fun, stupid, relaxing, exhilarating, frustrating, just anything different. spice things up a bit.

I bet it'll feel good.

My live is a movie...

2006-02-19T17:39:00.000-06:00

so my junior year at Grovers (the fun party/award ceremony that OHS drama has at the end of the year) Tina Dardis gave me her Legacy Award entitled "My Life is Movie" because of all of our fun times sharing rediculous stories and haveing fantastic adventures. Usually it was her life that was the more exciting one because a.) she could make the most mundane event a great story and b.) unbelievable things just happened to her.

but this time, I actually felt like I was the one in a movie.

A quick history...

Dan and I met beginning-ish of last semester. He's a alumn who graduated last year, lives in Chicago, actor, fuckin cool. So he came back for a little visit and to have some fun. As soon as word got around that Dan Scobey was in town everyone who wasn't a freshman was all "Oh my god, you have to meet him, he's so awsome!" and my thought is yeah, sure, I bet he is, but it'll just be one of those awkward 'hey, I went here and now you go here...yay....lets not talk anymore' deels like it usually is whenever you are first introduced to someone. and yeah, first introduction was kinda like that, but it was in passing so no prolonged weird forced conversation. Then the night progressed at Apartment B and I was just chillin on the couch, takin a breather from the dancing, when along comes Dan. He sits down next to me and starts engaging me in conversation. Real conversation. we hit it off amazingly and wound up dancing all night and winning the party.

we talked once or twice after that night, but then things just kinda went away. I resigned myself to holding that amazing night as just a wonderful turn of events that I was happy to partake in.

then he came back for a second visit. and it was a lot like the first, we talked, laughed, got on amazingly, and won the party into the wee hours of the morn once again. but this time we promised to keep in touch. and we did.

then, as we were talking on Sunday night, lamenting the distance between us because of the obvious attraction we have, he decided that as soon as he got off work monday night he was driving down to Peoria to spend Valentines day with me.

Chicago to Peoria. at the drop of a hat. for me.

best 12:45am Valentine ever.

and a lot like a freakin romantic comedy.

so we had our first real "us" time over the next day and a half. we went to breakfast, napped, double dated to see Fun with Dick and Jane, (not my first choice, but it was a fun movie) then dined at Chuck E Cheese and played the games and crawled around in the tunnels with the little children....then had a Valentines day party at B again.

and it was wonderful.

soooo....things are very good for me. and things are very good for two of my favorite boys, both having found themselves a special someone so we can all share silly things and be happy for one another.

yeah. this is a very girly post, and a long one at that, but it was the most romantic thing that has happened to me in a while, so I had to gush.

anywhooooo

shit tons of homework awaits me. later kids.

Oh what a life...

2006-02-12T16:35:00.000-06:00

We lost. twas expected. but man...they finished their keg before ours was barely half gone. how sad.

meh, the beer tasted like such shit. as soon as they won I tossed my cup.

losers or not though, we all had a fuckin BLAST.

My beloved big sib. Eric Svaleson, proud of Norwegian heritage drank for his country last night. (please note the "fuck finland" gloriously displayed on his belly)

Ally, our Irish wench, draped herself in an Irish flag, toted a bag of potatos, and even gave birth to a baby every so often (Seamus 1, Seamus 2, Seamus...up to at least 6) and did her best for we non seniors. I was so proud.

Paige was waved the French flag so good. That bread was delicious.

this is why I love these theatre people. we may have been at a fuckin Kill-a-Keg, but dammit, we make it AWSOME.

Next time I will drink for the Czech.

man. the torch has begun to pass...Nowaki took me in her room last night and gave me a shot of her vodka. I wish I could remember the name, but I do know that it is possibly the best kind of vodka you can get. I mean, it was special ordered for her as an sm gift, this stuff was fuckin amazing. but that's not so much the point as much as the meaning behind it. she has left the theatre party legacy in my hands. only a very select few of us have had this honor. man...next year will be different. what a legacy.

And now for something, completely different!

Adam Mamawala found Kyle through facebook, and now we're facebook friends!! ADAM MAMAWALA!! shit man, he moved away in fourth grade, I cannot even remember the last time we talked, but holy crap! we're re-connected! how insane! and you know what's even more insane? he is incredibly hot now. blarh! like, I would NOT have recognized him if I passed him on the street. it's so weird. the last time I saw him was little fourth grade Adam, and NOW...damn. so strange.

God I LOVE LIFE!!

ohoh! Requiem opened and closed this weekend too!

wow, this was a busy weekend for me! so fun!

anyways, Requiem had it's run, and we fuckin sold out to the point of turning people away both nights. and ya know what? people LOVED IT. ohhh...makes my heart so happy. it makes all the hard work and long hours so worth it. and my first design experience is now under my belt. I really really like designing costumes too....I'm planning on doing more of it....

this creature is my lovely Devin as Sin.

Well, now as I procrastinate my homework with this crazy long post, I really should at least try to be productive a little today as I try to let my body recuperate a little. this week begins tech for Extremities.

.....all this never seems to stop does it? ah well. that's the way I like life. full of friends, parties, and theatre.

it's not an STD! it's mayonaise!

2006-02-10T12:31:00.000-06:00

man, so I was reading my last couple of blogs earlier and I realized just how shittily they are written. like, it's just awkward. am I normally that uncomfortable to read? I don't think I used to be.

anyway.

Requiem opens tonight! hooray! I hope all goes beautifully. It's a good show and everyone has worked their asses of to make this clusterfuck brainchild happen so it deserves a good run.

heeheee, so satuday night will be a exciting. I will be attending my first ever Kill-a-Keg. It is the Theatre Seniors challenging the Rest of the Department and the sad thing is they are SO going to kick our ass. There's a shit ton of them and just about all of them can DRINK. we may wind up with more in numbers, but a lot of us just either don't drink, or don't drink much. buuuuuut we'll put up a fight! it'll be fun!! hooray!

all right. back to studying for my Bio test.

peace.

hm.

2006-02-05T11:30:00.000-06:00

well. what a night.

nothing like I thought it would be.

much more serious than I was planning....but it needed to happen.

so last night was my birthday night, so the first half of my evening was spent prancing about socializing with the fun group that had amassed at Bohemia, drinking, laughing, having a grand ole time....but then I got in to a very serious, very concerning conversation with one of my best friends. I found out he is not doing very well...in several respects. a very sobering moment in my eveing. I also wound up talking with another friend about his own lack of "group" and lonliness....

it was an evening of being a shoulder and a hug.

I feel very helpless at times.

I think a big part of it is that I cannot understand. I hate not understanding things, especially when it is something that is clearly very important. religion is a good example. I don't understand it and therefore I will find myself very uncomforable being around others who are quite the opposite and hold religion and god as huge parts of their life. I cannot grasp something so important to them, so I just don't know how to handle the situation at times. and when someone comes to me deeply upset and finding life almost too hard for them....I don't know what to do. if there even is anything I can do.

fuck man. I am 19.

18 was really a wild year.

I had so many firsts in the past year. so much has changed. I learned and grown so much. the people I have met, lost, and kept...wow.

18 is gone.

it's an awkward age, 19. I have no real feel for age anymore either. I mean, 19 doesn't feel right, it sounds young and stupid....but 20 still seems like such a landmark of fucking 20. no longer a teen with that one. but right now.....

I don't know.

I feel old in many ways, and very young in many others.

maybe that's the way I'm supposed to feel? who knows.

I wonder what 19 will bring me. I hope it's good. I hope it will be filled with love and fun and accomplishments and happy memories and great aspectations. I didn't make a New Years Resolution because New Years hasn't felt like a New Year since I was about 10, but this birthday kinda says something....I'm at least feeling retrospective....so I think I'll make a resolution for my year.

but I don't know what it will be.

I'll think on it. I'll letcha know if it's anything good.

peace out.

Happy Birthday to ME!

2006-02-04T22:46:00.000-06:00

It's my birthday!! woooO!!

off I go to get squiffied!

: )

yeaaahhh....

2006-02-03T00:32:00.000-06:00

Things have been going really well this semester.

granted, we're only a few weeks in, not even a month, but still....I have a good feeling about it.

J-term really gave me a chance to get close to a number of people I previously hadn't had the chance to, and a number of those relationships are still holding now which makes me happy.

I staying in my room this evening and night for the first time in about.....a really fuckin long time. Usually I'm in and out with rehearsals or meetings or just hanging out at a friends abode, but tonight, no such plans. I was in. and ya know what? IT WAS GREAT. I was able to have a little study group with some of my girls on my floor, then we ran around shooting each other with dart guns, then had girl talk, and it was WONDERFUL. Alana and Kachine are great friends with endless patience with me and my ridiculous schedule and never (seriously) give me shit for disappearing for weeks at a time. Kelly (the roomie) and I have been having a ball this semester, she's just opened up a lot and so have I. She's getting more social and it's just been so FUN to be in my room!

I've really been frequenting the apartments this past week, that's just been silly fun. real chill. nice time spent with those splendid people.

Andrew and I have been spending tons of time together, almost like we're making up for the time lost time break....it's wonderful.

while my classes aren't all the greatest, I really enjoy all my teachers, regardless of the subject so that makes everything a little better. I could be doing a little better in Bio....or do a little more reading for Civ....but that's not really important right now.

fuck. 18 is almost gone.

what a fuckin year 18 was.

hrm. well, I'll ruminate over the ridiculousness of this past year at later, I'm off to drink with my roomie till we fall asleep.

peace.

Let's go measure your nostrils!

2006-02-02T11:38:00.000-06:00

well...this is what I look like after painting the Requiem set until 4:30am. Andrew and I painted the floor sooooo great. It looks like granite.

In other news I just got the script for the next lab show I am working on. It's called Lonely Planet by Steven Dietz and I fucking LOVE it. I am costume/makeup/hair design for it, and dammit, I just wanna drop my work on Requiem and Extremities and just focus on this show because I am so excited for it. but yeah, if you're looking for a good play to read sometime, check this one out.

Today has been an interesting day. I woke up late and had to scamper quickly to get to Technical Procedures (of theatre) on time, but when I arrived I found that class was cancled because our professor was still sick. hooray! (not for the sick, but for the no class) so I got to hang about the green room for an hour and catch a little nap with a friend.

THEN. I got to watch a life cast (when the pour the goup all over your face and it hardens so you can make a mold of your face). So part of the Special Materials class is making a life cast of your face, and for the mainstage coming up, we need a life cast of one of the characters in order to make this huge burn across his face and neck. well, I'm the assistant makeup designer sooooo I got to sneak in and watch! it was very interesting.

Luckily, one of the directors here is practically and expert on doing this, so he came in and was running things. It kind of surprised me how seriously we all had to take it, no one was allowed to crack jokes, we all had to be very calm and quite. Doug (the director) talked Joey (the one getting casted) through every little thing he was doing, there was a designated hand-holder, hand signals, everything. It was so cool. I mean, you don't really think how terrifying that must feel to only have two straws sticking out of your nose by which to breath, you cannot see, cannot speak, even your hearing will be inhibited by the half inch thick plaster.

Unfortunately, I didn't get to see the whole process today because Joe got a little freaked out pretty soon after he was covered and had to sit up and let it drip off/peel off. But it was a good experience to see what happenes when someone needs to stop. And I mean, it is so easy to get freaked out by it. Joe is not someone I would have thought would have been wierded out by it, but he's a mouth breather and he said that as soon as the pressure built up on his mouth and he felt a the little bit of plaster eek around the straws in his nose, he kind of paniced.

it was quite and interesting experience.

then we called it a day and got to play in the extra plaster. we made a big block with out handprints in it like you did in kindergarden. Becky said she would keep it for us.

mine was a thumbs up.

Tomorrow I get to go to Auggie!! woooo! I get to see Cori in her show! and see my family! for my birthday! HOORAY!!

life rocks.

ps. I accedentally hit the "erase formatting" little button guy and I do not know how to turn him back on....so sorry for the globby, non spaced out look. I dislike it as well.

I'm excited for life!

2006-01-31T12:47:00.000-06:00

Dan Scobey, Lauren Achambault, and I on Dan Scobey Night rockin out. What fun.

so yeah, I'm kind of a tool and have not taken the time to update, like, EVER. but ya know. it's for good reasons. like FUN!! and THEATRE!! oh yeah. homework too....but that's just lame.

So this is me being outrageouly nervous because on the last show of our childrens show Aesops (oh so slightly) Updated Fables, one of our actors got drastically ill...and I had to go on for her instead. very very scary. sooooo, I found out about an hour before curtain went up so I was frantically memorizing and looking over blocking and praying I wouldn't make a fool of myself. Buuuuuut all went very well, I was lucky enought to be on a stage where 3 of the other 4 actors were all members of the school improv group and GREAT actors, so it calmed me down to know that even if I did fuck up, they would be able to cover.

Life has been filled with Revolution Mondays, Topless Tuesdays, Wear Less Wednesdays, Thirsty Thursdays, ....fridays...., Slackless Saturdays, and ....sundays....

I love dance parties. We need to procure a happenin headquaters this summer, because I cannot live without them.

If anybody wants to come down for a visit, just drop me a line, I have a number of shows coming up that will be quite good and I'd love a chance to show off my beloved department. (shows this semester, Requiem (lab show), Extremities (mainstage), Lonely Planet (Lab), and Loves Labours Lost (Mainstage). and it would be uber wonderful to see my lovely Oswego people, so drop me line!

mini rant - awsome amazing people should NOT date lame ones. it hinders the possibilites of AMAZING pairings. that is all.

oh, and that mini rant was not directed at the dude in the picture, though he is something amazing...

peace.

Boo homework.

2006-01-19T23:19:00.000-06:00

doing some Biology homework. it's not fun. and it doesn't help that I can't get my mind of off someone.

damn.

I would rather be sleeping.

this is going to be interesting...

2006-01-17T02:19:00.000-06:00

all right. moved back in. finally. I am back in the ole' dorm room, fully unpacked and a bit cleaner as well. huttah! I am happy to have my own space again. I was actually really good without it, but as soon as I got home I realized just how much I love my dorm room. The roomie wont be in until tomorrow afternoon (well, today by now), so I've had the past day and a half to really decompress and have some me time.

aaaaahhhhhhhh.....

so, happily, I shall be returning to this world and updating regularly again! huttah!

my life has been consumed by Aesop's (oh so slightly) Updated Fables (running this weekend) and while it has been great, it has given me the most false feeling here. I've just been having a blast with the super fun cast/crew of the show at rehearsals, then hanging out and being silly in my off time.

I can't go back to actual school.

this needs to be my life now. eat, sleep, party, theatre.

that sounds good.

bah, I'll survive.....maybe. I was sending an e-mail to my sister with the dates of all my shows so we could collaborate our visits and it was the first time I actually LOOKED at everything that I agreed to do this semester.

oh my.

all I know is that I will have a full load of REAL classes, and where I did all three mainstages and ONE lab show last semester, I'll be doing the mainstages and THREE lab shows this semester. I have a feeling I'll be in uber-Jessi mode soon. but I can do it. I really think I can. I would pull out of a show if I didn't feel I could handle all of it.

I currently have a 4.0 Gpa. I REALLY want to keep it as close to that as I possibly can. damn. why is school so bloody expensive? it makes me so sad.

anyways. I need to pass out now. peace.

DAY OFF!!!

2006-01-10T13:50:00.000-06:00

today, tuesday, is our first day off since we started this show process, and damn does it feel good. Last night was wonderful.

Jason and Melissa (our director and assistant director) decided it would be nice to have a big dinner with all of the cast and production crew who is here, so they cooked us a big lasagna dinner and made some AMAZING appetizers (Jason's cheese and artichoke dip is to DIE for) It was great because I would up shopping with Jason and helping them cook. Now, it didn't help that both Jason and I are HUGE cheese fans, so in our shopping we wound up purchasing FIFTY DOLLARS in cheese alone. sooooo goooooood.

then we returned to Arcadia to start cooking, and because the fridge is bursting at the seams from trying to hold enough food for 9 people regularly, we decided to put the bags of cheese outside in order to keep them cold. it was funny because as people would walk in to the house they would be like, "do you realize you forgot two bags of groceries outside?"

silly people.

BUT, as I was placing a taco dip platter outside to cool, I noticed we only had on bag there....so I went back inside, assuming that Jason had grabbed the bag earlier without my noticing.

he hadn't.

someone stole our fucking cheese.

Three pounds of mozerella, and four pounds of cottage cheese GONE! I mean people! really now. who would steal someone's cheese? so sad.

but once we replaced the cheese all was well agian. the feast was wonderful good time. then, after a few glasses of wine/glass of schnapps and ovalteen, Colleen, Lauren, Mike, and I decided to go over to the theatre to say hey to Misty and Andy who were working late, and then blast some music and dance on the stage!! a grand plan. buuuuut then Andy was less than pleased with us, so we just kinda hung around a little before heading over to the apartments.

Oh Apt. B.

hella yeah, we made it a grand party over there. a near perfect mix of mellow and crazy, it was sooooo goooood. Lauren and I danced so fuckin hard for so long....the whole Killers album, then many more...including a great whole room singalong to Styx's Come Sail Away....dammit! I wish I could access my pictures because it would make this post so much more interesting. I got some superfun shots.

but yeah. overall, great night. and the topper was the sleeping until 1:30pm. I feel soooo goood right now.

and later tonight, ROLLING SUSHI WITH POOKIE FACE!!!! yesssssssss......

peace.

A fish bowl....it will haunt me.

2006-01-09T00:13:00.000-06:00

this isn't a real post, simply a continuation of my last lovely story. rehearsal didn't start today until 1pm so all of us went enjoyed ourselves last night (my evening started with bakers square pie, good company, and STAR WARS!!!) and while I didn't actually drink last night (just wasn't in the mood....) about everyone else did. and in this I learned that a friend of mine actually has two and a half minutes of me rather drunkenly addressing the people at the apartment, and basically just being funny and rediculous. I got to see it, and while it is mostly just funny and kind of cute because I'd be mid sentence then I'd like, wheel around absolutely embarrased at how drunk I was and how worried I was about getting up in time for rehearsal in the morning, then jump right back in to conversation, the thing that scares me is that they are planning on giving this footage to one of the faculty of the theatre to hold on to until my senior roast.

aaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....

I don't like this idea very much.

for those who don't know, the Bradley theatre faculty gets to roast of the graduating seniors at the big department brunch so they get to share all of the stupid ass shit they did in their time here, and some of the faculty finds out some AMAZINGLY great stuff....it's scary how much they know sometimes. so yes. I really hope they don't give it to Jim....I don't think they will....but still....I am very embarassed.

but I do hope to obtain my own copy of this footage because really, it's damn funny.

peace.

A fish bowl.

2006-01-06T23:32:00.000-06:00

I kinda made a promise to myself to try not to post much about drinking excursions, but this one is short and, I think, amusing.

so last night I was all excited because we got out of rehearsal and hour early, I suddenly had time to go over to the apartments and see all of the wonderful people I hadn't seen yet AND work on the beer wall AND cut my hair AND get to bed a decent hour!! all right! great! I was pumped! and then...Ben walked out of the kitchen carrying a medium sized fish bowl, complete with rocks and plants, FILLED with wine.

A REAL FISHBOWL!!

it was fuckin awsome. it was so pretty! and colorful! (of course I didn't have my camera with me...ass....but I can't get any pictures off my camera until I get back to my own computer anyways so meh) so it's still early, I've got a nice little schedual layed out for myself that allows me good visiting/beer wall/hair cutting time before heading home around 12:15, so I'm thinkin, hey! how often is it that you get to drink WINE out of a FISHBOWL? the answer is not very. all right, I had to get up for rehearsal at 7:45am so I was like, ok, I'll drink just enough to get a little buzz. I know my body, I can totally handle a little buzz for the evening without it bothering me in the morning. so I picked my pretty blue straw and went at it. well....I'll spare anymore stupidness by simply saying that I learned a very good lesson. drinking very cheep wine through a straw from a fishbowl makes it damn near impossible to gauge how much one is actually consuming.

bad, bad idea.

but I got my ass up and toughed out actor aerobics and rehearsal because it was all my own fault. fuckin fishbowl.

ok, maybe that wasn't very short, but I was just so surprised by that awsome fishbowl.

until later, peace.

EDIT:

so random thought that I feel like stickin in here (so much for changing how I do shit...meh....I like it this way...) ok, so, someday when I have time again, I really want to research the histroy of Czechloslovakia (I know it's mis spelled) and France. I kinda want to check out my heritage. I was just kind of musing about how just how much does where you came from actually matters if you've never actually known these places. I mean, working off stereotypes and generalizations alone I feel like I really do related to those two contries in particular out of my own ancestory. I was chucking to myself about how I'm glad that I got over that "needs stuffed animal to sleep" phase pre college (it wasn't an emotional thing, just a habit thing. like, if Rambo feel off my bed in the middle of the night, I would actually wake up and have to find him or I just couldn't get comfortable) because it would not be very conducive at all to my nomadic lifestyle. Vlad had made a similar comment ealier in the year when I was talking about how I sleep in someone else's room/house/apartment as often as I sleep in my own bed. He said I really was a gypsy now. So is it simply coincedence that I am so in love with this busy, roaming lifestyle? or is it some kind of deep connection I have with my "roots"? hm. there are more little things like that that I notice too...

just a thought. hopefully I will acutally get to check out the worlds from which I came. we'll see.

Smile like you mean it.

2006-01-04T23:25:00.000-06:00

the rosebowl party has moved past where my legs can't carry me and it's too late to be worth conning someone in to taking me out.....so I'll update!

It feels like I have been here a LONG time. it's funny because I've really only been here like, 4 and half days. but already I have formed such a groove, as have my other squatter buddies living in Arcadia, that it's like home. Oh so fun. got a group together last night to watch Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind after rehearsal...probably not the wisest choice because that meant I was up until 2:30 watching it when I had to get up at 7:20 am buuuuuut....it was worth it. For one, it is one of my new absolute favorite movies, and two, the company was wonderful.

While incredibly busy, my days are very fun. again, I am just chuckling at how old hat everything suddenly seemed today. and I mean, it's so stupid because yesterday everything was still all awkward and new. whatever. I am just sounding stupid now.

ah, on the vein of sounding stupid, I now realize what alison meant by her blog being self conscious. I've felt that way about this blog since it's conception. I think it's partially because it's so new, and I don't really feel comfortable with the layout and every thing so it really doesn't feel like me the way my Xanga did, and also partially because this actual "blog" is a kind of upgrade from my little Xanga so therefore I feel more responcibility to be a "real" blogger and ya know, not suck. so now....I don't know what to do. I haven't had the time to really play around with my style or whatever since going home equaled crap computer and a desire to sit and be with my family instead. and really...I don't think I'll wind up changing too much of what I do...I mean, I really don't think I'll be able to change much of my style, because really, I am just not that commited. this whole thing started for me mostly as a way to kind of journal, a personal time for me to reflect on things and relate stuff to people.

so yeah.

the kind of changes I am more looking to make are to just, well, not suck so much. to try and weed out the balan crap (like much of the begining of this post....I am so good at this....) and just try and find a better balance between being a pseudo theraputic device for me, and being interesting to my readers.

we'll see what happens.

peace.